Like a Fine Wine

I'm not gonna lie. I'm sooo ready for 2010. As I was cleaning out my room today, I found a ticket stub from 2006. Aww 2006, like a vintage wine, was a great year. I was learning so much about God, meeting new friends, and experiencing wonderful miracles. It is a time I will never forget.

Over the past years, it's not that I've lost those things. I'm just not a pup anymore. You know how puppies discover things for the first time, like their tails and clothes from the hamper. I'm growing up. I'm learning with each new experience. 2009 was a season of trial. I knew I would survive it, but I wasn't quite sure what state of mind I would be in.

Yet I can see how God had his hand in the midst of it all. I can tell you that if those trials had happened in 2006, I would not have reacted the same way. Luckily, my faith is growing deeper so I can better withstand the blows that life brings.

I remember being "young" and wishing I was like _fill_in_the_blank_ who was such a strong Christian influence. What I didn't understand was that it was her experiences and responses that made her the strong woman she is today. Similarily, when God called Elijah, he didn't give him a pulpit and radio show right off. First, Elijah had to learn to rely on God...for everything. When he proved himself faithful, then God could perform miracles through him.

I've been through a lot. I'll probably go through much more. But I know that I can always rely on God. He has proven himself faithful. I only hope that I can prove myself faithful to Him. 2010 is going to be a great year. As long as God is on his throne, I have nothing to fear. (Oops, didn't mean to rhyme there!)

Prayer Wimp or Warrior?

When I was brand spankin' new to this Jesus thing, I used to wonder why I needed to pray. If God knows everything, then what effect would praying have on a situation? It will either happen or it won't. And I didn't really believe that praying made much of a difference.

So I started researching the Bible and found the book of Amos. Amos was just an ordinary shepherd until God called him to prophesy to his people. In chapter 7, Amos begged God not to destroy the land. So God relented. God actually listened to Amos!

After reading that, my prayer life radically changed. "Lord, you told me to pray about everything, so get ready." I started really praying. Not the wimpy prayers like "Well if you feel like it, or if it's in Your will." I started believing. And I started to see results. God answered prayers that were unreal. Unexpected. Unimaginable. The more results I saw, the more faith I had, and the harder I prayed.

God's power is so close. Yet often we neglect it. We forget to go to Him first. Or maybe we don't really trust that He'll come through, so we try to fix it on our own. But God designed us to need Him. He wants us to rely on His strength. His power is made perfect in our weakness.

So when you pray, believe that He will answer you. I'm not saying that you will always get what you pray for though. God isn't a cosmic vending machine that caters to your every whim such as, "I'd like to win the lottery, find a hot husband, and never get another breakout." Sometimes, you won't get the outcome you wanted. Sometimes you will. God has a plan and a purpose for all of it though.

What does your prayer life look like? Are you constantly praying for yourself or do you pray for others? If someone asks you to pray for them, do you follow through? If so, are you doing it half-heartedly? I've had to ask myself these questions lately. One day I was praying for someone and God seemed to whisper, "If you really believe that I will answer you, then pray like you mean it." I've had to daily remind myself to not just go through the motions so I could check off my Good Christian box. There is real power in prayer. Tap into it.

One out of Ten

I was reading the Good Book the other day and came across the story of Jesus healing the ten men who had leprosy. He told them to go see the priests, and they were cleansed as they went. But only one of the men returned to thank Jesus. ONE?!? What happened to the others? Were they late for supper? Could they not find Jesus later?

So here's my question: When God answers one of your prayers, do you thank Him? I mean really, really appreciate what He's done for you? What is it that you need to thank Him for? Don't put it off any longer.

I Heart Myspace

"When you get a boyfriend, you'll stop hanging out with all your friends." Someone recently told me this and it made me cringe. I’ve been through so many friends that got married, you’d think they wrote the movie 27 Dresses about me. I realize it’s a part of the courtship process. The quiet moments spent with the person who could potentially become your #2. Learning their innermost thoughts, dreams, and ideas. But I never wanted to be That Girl. The girl who was all googly-eyed, opinionless, and couldn’t spend one night out of the week away from her man.

I need my space. Sometimes I need to be alone. Other times I need a girls night.
I also need chill time with God. I need to depend on Him, and Him alone. My future boyfriend or spouse is human. At some point he’s going to let me down, make me angry, or hurt me (hopefully, it’s unintentional). But I can always count on my Savior. He promises to never leave me nor forsake me. So very often I need to fill my Jesus tank.

I can’t say for sure, but I don’t believe I’ll stop hanging out with my friends once I start dating. It’s like a basketball player that trains for the big game. If you practice consistently, then chances are you will play well. If you don’t practice, you’ll probably go home a loser. And I hate losing.

So if you have any advice on keeping the balance of putting God first and your sweetie-pie second, please share your thoughts. I’d love to hear it.

You Don't Always Get Service Like That!

Life has started to get back to "normal" this past week. I took off work on Friday for a dermatologist appointment. You can tell if I'm stressed just by looking at my face. Needless to say, it has been broken out most of this year. Afterwards, I headed to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions filled. I've been going to this place for years. Bruce, a pharmacist, has known me since I was little. He was there, and I hadn't seen him in a while. When he saw me, he come around the counter and gave me a big hug. He's like hugging a teddy bear. We talked while he filled my prescription. We caught up on life and shared some laughs. As I left, it confirmed why I come to this place. It's all about the service.

Free Hugs!

Free hugs to any veterans or anyone serving in the military! Whenever I see a veteran (especially Korean War vets), I just want to give them a hug. I can't adequately express how much their service means to me. I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for their sacrifices.

Everyday I wake up, I thank God that I'm alive. That I have a roof over my head and clothes on my back. That I get to live in a free country. Sometimes I don't understand why God chose me. How did he pick me out of hundreds of babies? Many were raised in an orphanage. Still others were aborted or killed because of their gender or because their birth parents couldn't take care of them. Meanwhile I was blessed enough to be adopted into a loving home.

I am forever indebted to those who fought for freedom. To those who fight for our freedom today. And to the God who chose me. I will always work to honor them with my life.

Tithe vs. Debt

I've heard this question many times while teaching Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. Should I stop tithing and get out of debt first? Well, I knew what the Bible said about debt and tithes, but I had never been in that situation before. And I never thought I would ever have to make that decision.

So when the mortgage bill came that hot summer day, my jaw dropped to the floor. They wanted me to pay $300 more per month because of a mistake their company had made. $300!?! Where was that supposed to come from? I didn't see schoolteachers receiving a raise any time soon, and a part time job while teaching seemed like a bad idea.

I began to pray. Immediately, God whispered, "You already know what to do." And it was true. I had been planning on remodeling my bathroom over the summer so that I could get a roommate. And the rent money would take care of the unexpected $300 debt. The answer was there all along. I just had to follow up.

Quickly, I found someone to redo the bathroom. It turned out great, as you can tell from the previous blogs (although it still needs paint). While I was in the process of getting it redone, I wasn't quite sure how I would pay the extra debt. God answered again. Because I had been paying extra on my car payments for the past year, I could skip a few payments without penalty. Woohoo!!

However, with everything else going on, I still had not found a roommate. During those times of uncertainty, I wondered if I could make ends meet without touching my tithe or my other giving. I would remind God, "You know You promised blessings to those who trust in You, right?" I vowed that I would continue tithing and giving at least until the point of starvation.

One day at lunch I was telling my friend the situation. She started asking people that she knew and found a girl who was interested. Everything was starting to come together. She moved in, and my financial stress vanished.

I knew God was molding me, teaching me to trust Him more. But the part between letting go and grasping for His plan was scary. However, sometimes you just gotta close your eyes, pray to God, and make the jump. And it will be worth it when you finally see the view from the top.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
~Jer. 17:7-8

If I were a tree, what would I look like? Laid back, carefree, just swaying in the wind? Or would I be clinging, struggling, wondering if the storm will ever stop?

As I grow closer to God, my roots grow deeper. I am less worried about trivial matters. I am more productive. But I'm not at this point yet.

The survivor tree which stands at the OKC bombing memorial is a symbol of strength and resilience. The inscription around the tree reads, "The spirit of this city and of this nation will not be defeated; our deeply rooted faith sustains us." That's what I strive to become. I want to be so rooted in Christ that nothing can shake me. I want to give shade to those who need rest from the burning sun. And I want to fully trust that, no matter what happens, my Provider will always come through.

What Happened to Sept??

Aug 31 was a hard day. We found out my grandma had lung cancer. A few days later the doctors told us it had spread to her brain. A few more days later they said the cancer was in her adrenal glands and was pumping it into every other part of her body. Stage 4. There was no cure. The docs told us they could do chemo and radiation, but it was only to keep her comfortable.

Grandma assured us that it was ok. She had lived a good life and was ready to die. We brought her home from the hospital, and she began radiation that week. My mom, aunt, or I stayed by her side daily. After one week grandma wasn't able to walk on her own. Then she couldn't stand on her own. At times, she would talk in gibberish. We took her to the ER to make sure she wasn't having a stroke or something. They told us it was probably due to the cancer in her brain. We brought her home again.

The next day she laid in bed with her hand in mine. She said she was tired of fighting. She wanted us to call Hospice. The next few weeks were painful. She tried to tell us everything she could remember before she forgot it. She called the ministers and told them exactly how she wanted her funeral. She wanted to see my brother's wedding pics, so I brought over the laptop. We gathered around her bed and smiled and laughed at the pictures.

The next day after school I went over to her house. She said, "I love you, baby" when I came in the door. Those were her last words to me. On the evening of October 7, after every kid, grandkid, and great-grandkid had been by to see her, she died. In her sleep. Just the way she wanted.

I have no doubt that my grandma is in Heaven (probably talking an angel's ear off at this very moment). And I know that one day I will see her again.

Bath Remodel (after-ish)

So the bathroom is not completely finished yet. Things have been insane lately. There is no paint on the walls, and I still need a new light fixture. Other than that, it's ready to go. Maybe I'll do a vlog after it's painted. Get excited.

Bath Remodel (during #2)

The bathroom is coming along. There is still dust and debris, but seeing the tile and beadboard makes me forget about it temporarily.

There is a remodel going on in my heart too. Some parts of it are still in the demo process, while other parts are healing quite nicely. While the visible layers are completely new, the foundation remains the same. I can't change the past. I can only move forward. My foundation (the experiences I've had, lessons and morals I was taught) remain with me. And everything else builds on it. It's a painful process, but I know God is in charge the remodel. He'll do the clean up too. I can't wait to see the end result.

Bath Remodel (during)

Though it is much needed, the remodel is not an easy process. Before I can have a beautiful bath, there has to be some demo work.

There's dust and debris pouring out of the room. The bathroom walls are stripped down to the studs. A layer of dust covers most of the house. A trail of debris leads from the garage all the way to the back of the house.

When I wake up each morning, I can barely breathe. All of the dust leaves me congested and coughing. Pieces of debris stick to my feet as I have to walk down the hallway into the other bathroom. Luckily, I have another bathroom to use while mine is out of order.

It's only temporary, I tell myself. I know that there is a promise of new tile, new vanity, new commode, and shiny new chrome. When you know how the story will end, it helps you endure the hardships of the process.

Bath Remodel (before)

My master bathroom has been in shabby condition since I bought the house. Below are some pics. I knew the bathrooms would have to be updated. I've never even been in the shower. The soap scum was so thick when I moved in that no brand of cleaning fluid could penetrate it. The toilet swiveled dangerously, and the vanity was moldy-oldy. Thus, it was time for a change...

I Do It Myself!!

"I do it myself!" my 2-year-old nephew yelled as I tried to help him hold the unsteady plate of Ritz crackers. One cracker slid off the plate and met the floor. He picked it up and put it back on there. "That one is dirty. We'll get you a new one," I tried to reason with him. But he still refused to let me help. As he wobbled back towards the table, more crackers fell off the plate with each step. He was getting frustrated. Finally, he looked up at me, and then handed the plate over. We walked back to the table where he devoured the food as soon as we sat down.

This scene reminded me of my relationship with God. How many times have I pushed God's hand away and told Him I don't need His help? Then I wonder what happened when the crackers hit the floor. When I realize I can't do it on my own, then I give Him control. Why couldn't I hand it over before it reached that point though?

God doesn't want us to have grimy crackers. He wants to give us the best. But sometimes we settle. We settle because deep down we don't really trust God. We'd rather have soiled food than nothing at all. But you can't have God's best if you're holding on to mediocrity. Let. It. Go. Take the step of faith, trust God, and wait on Him. He always comes through.

This is a Test of the Holy Spirit System...

As I reflect on my life, I have come a long way in my journey with Christ. I started out as a depressed, obese, hateful girl. Then I transformed into a pharisee-like, bible-quoting, uppity Christian. Now I would say I'm a flawed, but striving Christ-follower. And it looks like I still have a looong way to go.

Along memory lane, I can see God's hand in many situations. I can see how He's shaped and molded me. Sometimes he had to press down a little harder because I was resistant. But he molded me nonetheless. My experiences, successes, and failures make me the woman I am today. I am nicer, thinner, funnier, and wiser than I used to be. But I still have a looong way to go.

The school of the Holy Spirit: You never flunk out. You just keep taking the test until you pass.

~Joyce Meyer

I have flunked many tests. But God is gracious and merciful. He's a much nicer teacher than me. We get retakes. And re-retakes. For example, when God is teaching me patience, and I don't learn the lesson, you can bet I won't get the fastest line at Walmart. Or if He's teaching on humility and I flunk that, I won't be beating my brother on the XBox anytime soon. And the list goes on and on.

What is it that is frustrating you? Which test are you struggling in? And what is God trying to teach you through that experience? Study up on it so you can pass the test. Otherwise, He'll see you in class next week.

HP & the Half-Blood Prince

As ya'll know I'm a fan of Harry Potter. I even waited in line for the midnight showing. At last, the movie began and for two and a half hours I entered a make-believe world.

One of my fave parts of the movie is when Harry drinks Felix Felicis (a potion that gives you good luck), then he succeeds at anything he attempts. In the book it says, "It was as though the potion was illuminating a few steps of the path at a time: He could not see the final destination, ...but he knew that he was going the right way." It reminded me of the Holy Spirit. When you're guided by the Spirit, it's a lamp unto your feet. Sometimes I wish it were a high-beam headlight, but God doesn't operate like that. Why?? Because it builds faith. You trust in Him to get you through. You don't rely on your own strength. Could Harry Potter accomplish his mission on his own? Maybe. Could he accomplish it with the Felix Felicis? Heck yes! When we rely on God, depend on Him for each step, we grow closer to Him. So when the Holy Spirit prompts you, obey. You already know the ending of story, so you can boldly act with confidence.

If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

Challenging Faith

Last night, Switch was incredible. After our group dismissed, I didn't know if it was good or bad. It was unresolved...

Our topic was about the Bible. Most of my girls aren't very familiar with it. Some of them don't even own one. We discussed how to know it's true, what if you don't get anything from reading it (comprehension probs), and how it relates to everyday life.

My girls asked me some questions that I wasn't quite sure how to answer. I know what I believe in, but at times I found it difficult to explain to them. They continued to question, so I answered some of their questions based on my opinions. For the other questions, I told them we would discuss them next week, (keep 'em in suspense, right?) or in some cases they just had to have faith.

It doesn't feel great when you have to defend yourself, your views, and your God. But in doing so, it strengthened me. It reaffirmed some of my beliefs, but also made me want to search for more solid answers to some of their questions. We'll see what happens next week.

Venting vs. Complaining

"Life's like a crap sandwich, you can eat it or starve."
- Grandpa

If you are breathing, then you are going to have troubles at some point in your life. The question is, do you know how to deal with it? Some troubles are quick, while others stick around so long you think it's a pet.

When problems come up, I have to talk about it. If I don't, I might blow up. So there are a handful of people in my life that I turn to when I need to vent. Those people love me enough to listen or give advice. Once I let my thoughts, feelings, and emotions out, I usually feel better. I consider myself a Venter.

However, this was not always the case. In the past if something negative happened to me, the world must be coming to an end. I would talk about it, and re-talk, and re-talk. Finally, people got tired of hearing the same ole thing. Then I'd lay in bed at night and think about the worst-case scenarios for my life problems. Some nights I wouldn't sleep at all. It was like I thrived on worrying. I had convinced myself, "this was just the way I am and nothing can change that." Also, if something happened it was always someone else's fault. I never took responsibility for my contribution to the problem. I am a recovering Complainer, Worrier, and Fault-finder.

So what is the difference between venting and complaining? I believe venting is airing out your frustrations to a selected person or group of persons. After you've gotten it out, you work to find a solution to the problem. Complaining is an attitude. IF you continue to talk about your troubles without working to solve them, IF you constantly think the worst of every situation, IF you never take responsibility for your actions, you might be a redneck, I mean, a complainer.

And you have to be careful because venting can easily turn into complaining if you are not intentional with your behaviors.

One of my fave bible verses is John 16:33 where Jesus says "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Believers can have profound contentment, serenity, and peace no matter what happens because Joy does not come from outward circumstances but from inner strength. Find that strength in your Savior Jesus Christ. Press in and press on.

Movie Blitz

I've seen 3 movies in the past week. Here's my official review:

Up: 4.5 stars
My word. I cried...twice. It had a great message. The villain was kinda creepy though. Good movie, and not just for kids.

Transformers: 3 stars
I was entertained. The storyline was pitiful. Special effects were the saving grace of the movie. I was worn out by the end. It was too loooooong!

The Proposal: 4.5 stars
Crackalackin! I mean belly fat was burned because of all the laughter! If you don't think this movie is funny, you have no soul. j/k

"Rough Day" Country Song

It’s like a

Red F on your driving test

A ketchup stain on your pretty white dress

How you feel when the parachute won’t open

And the backup’s broken



It’s a

Root canal without the gas

Or when you’re picked last in PE class

Like a burglar broke in and stole your flat screen

Right before the big game



It’s like

Finding out your best friend’s lying

Gaining weight after exercising

Finding out your identity’s been taken

And your credit’s shaken

Why Don't You Answer Me, God?

I've often questioned God when it comes to prayers. Sometimes I pray hard for something, something that is definitely in line with His will. But it never happens. Other times I've prayed, and it took years before it was answered. And on occasion I've prayed, and results were immediate.

Over the past few months I've seen that God has delayed some prayers because I wasn't ready to handle them. I'm better equipped to deal with certain situations now more than ever because of life experiences and spiritual growth. In other words, it's hard to lead people TO a place you've never been. And it's hard to lead people OUT of a place you've never been.

I know God can answer my prayers in a flash, but sometimes He says no or makes me wait. I call it growing pains. He's making me mature and complete, not lacking anything. Now I don't worry (as much) if I don't get immediate results because I trust that He is on the throne. He is God and I am not.

Bath & Body Works! It really does!

Wow! It's almost been a month since my last blog entry. I'm sure you've missed me oodles and bunches!

So I went to the Heritage Park mall recently. If you're not familiar with it, it's basically dying (like a cat near a Chinese restaurant). There are only a handful of stores left. Grass is growing up around the entrances. Scary hooded men are lurking in the parking lot. Normally, I wouldn't go to these types of places, but I needed my Japanese Cherry Blossom foaming soap from Bath & Body Works. Gotta have it. Even if it means imminent danger.

I parked close to the door. Locked the car. Twice. Checked the parking lot for thieves and murderers, then entered the building. Almost every shop was closed down. Metal bars blocked their entrances. No lights inside the stores. There was no sign of life until I reached Bath & Body Works. Bright sunny lights welcomed you into the store. It was like night and day. Scary and unscary. Hooded men and apron-wearing ladies.

After I bought a few (or 12) bottles of soap, I walked out of the store and returned to my car. Then I had a reflective moment on the situation: The world resembles the mall. Much of it is dying. Many lights are off. Bath & Body Works could've closed down too. They could've said "What's the use in staying here?" But, they chose to keep the store open anyway. They continue to work to bring in customers. They have the heart of a fighter. Many times when things are tough, we want to quit or back down. After all, the rest of the world is doing it. But I encourage you to persevere. It won't be easy, but we have a power on our side that is greater than anything in this world.

There's no I in Team!

My kiddos were working in pairs on an assignment last week. Here are some sprinkles of wisdom I've learned from them (not just limited to the classroom):

1. One person usually does more work. It could be because that person has more useful skills or talents or maybe the other person is not pulling his/her weight.

2. If a person can go unchecked without doing their share of the work, they most likely will. Even hard-working, well-meaning people will slack if they can get by with it. Especially if their outcome is the same, regardless of the work they did.

3. Just because you're a perfectionist or good at something, doesn't mean you have to take the project over. Some control freaks (myself included) think that no one can do it as well as they can. So they have to do everything. Thankfully, I'm letting go of that more and more.

4. Often, the point of the assignment is more about the task of cooperating with others rather than the final product. How you work with others says a lot about a person. What would your team say about you?

Playground Mishaps

I probably went through a box a band-aids just this week. My kiddos are coming up with bruises, blisters, and scrapes, oh my! Some of em I can barely look at long enough to put the Spongebob band-aid on. They don't even have the old school toys like we did back in the day. This video cracked me up! Good clean comedy, people! Keepin it clean!

The Chunky Monkey

Most people don’t know that I’m 50 pounds lighter than I was 12 years ago. In junior high I was depressed, had few friends, and used food to comfort me. Food never rejected me. It’s always there. And it didn’t talk back. So this cycle continued: I ate because I was depressed, and I was depressed because I was fat.

But when I was 15 years old, I reconnected with God. And everything changed in that moment. Suddenly, I didn’t want my life to look anything like it had been. I was ready for a life makeover. Actually, it was more like life surgery. I told my mom I wanted to lose weight. She told me to stopping drinking 6-8 Dr. Peppers a day. I never realized how many calories were in those cans. I was consuming 900-1200 calories just from drinking!! So I made myself drink Diet Coke for a month. That stuff tasted so horrible, I had to force myself to drink it. Now I can’t get enough of it! (Probably should have switched to water now that I think about it.) In less than a month I shed 15 pounds.

As I read the Bible I became more determined to make other changes. Food had become an idol for me. I would turn to it rather than to God when I was upset. That had to stop.
I began to read about fasting and why it was practiced. (Fasting and not eating are two completely different things. I’m not endorsing anorexia here people.) Denying myself and asking God for wisdom was the purpose of my fast. So every Wednesday I skipped lunch for two months. During that time, I discovered that I was a subconscious eater. There were times when I would devour an entire bag of chips before realizing what I’d done. I had to learn a new way of eating. Instead of taking the bag and plopping down in front of the TV to eat, I would pull out a normal-size portion of chips and enjoy them slowly without any distractions. Then I would go watch TV after my snack. I also learned that the words all-you-can-eat-buffet was not a dare, and that I didn’t have to finish my plate cuz it wouldn’t help starving kids in Africa anyway.

As I replaced my old habits with better ones, the pounds gradually melted off. My thighs were beginning to look like smaller tree trunks, and my double-chin started to vanish. I became motivated to stick with the program I’d created. I remember the day when I could fit into a size 10. That was a Hallelujah moment, it was. When I began college, everyone was talking about the dreaded “Freshman 15.” But I just kept losing weight at a steady pace. Each year I shed a few more pounds. By the time I graduated college, I could fit in a size 6. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would lose that much weight.

Now I just need to learn how to exercise consistently and eat healthier. Garsh!!

Honk If You Love Jesus

So about a year ago I broke down and put one of those Lifechurch.tv decals on my purty lil Chevy Malibu. I'd hesitated putting the sticker up because I sometimes (not often, but once in a blue moon) do something stupid while driving. Having the decal adds pressure to be a better driver cuz I'm representing the church in a way. On my drive home from work, I had one of those Deep Thoughts moments. Enjoy.

Any time I let someone go ahead of me, they rarely see the sticker. But every stinkin' time I cut someone off in traffic (whether intentional or not), they see it. I mean every time! Illuminated by my brake lights as if to say, "You just got cut off by Lifechurch.tv. Have a blessed day!"
Sometimes doing good works is the same way. You can do something nice, and it never gets noticed. But the minute you do something rude, dumb, or otherwise, it sticks around for a long, looonnngg time. And then your family retells the story at holiday dinners. Uhh, yeah.

So do we stop doing the right thing because it goes unnoticed? Because we're underappreciated? Because someone else will do it? Because it's not-that-big-of-a-deal? No, as Christians we're called to be faithful in the small things. The person we let ahead of us in traffic may not see it, but the car behind me sees. Whether we like it or not, sometimes people are watching. And occasionally our acts are hidden from the rest of the world. But they are not hidden from God. He knows our hearts, our motives, our thoughts. When we begin to truly live for an audience of One, everything changes.

The Battle

My flesh (my human/sin nature) is in battle with the Holy Spirit. I know what I should be doing, but I don’t want to do it. I don’t feel like loving. I don’t feel like forgiving. I don’t feel like being patient. I don’t feel like dealing with certain situations.

The Holy Spirit (your conscience, whatever you wanna call it) is telling me something different. It tells me to love when I don’t want to. It tells to forgive when I don’t want to. It tells me to be patient and wait on God, even when I don’t want to.

Loving people is like doing laundry. If I waited til I felt like doing it, it would probably never get done. Sometimes we have to love even when we don’t feel like it. We have to forgive, even if the other person doesn’t deserve it. We have to reflect Christ when we’d rather reflect the rest of the world.

Deut. 30:19 says, “I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” Everyday we have choices to make. Do we want to be like Christ or like the world? What makes Christians any different from pagans if we allow our feelings and emotions to dictate how we act? (Luke 6:27-36)

satan must be grinning whenever we start freaking out, getting depressed, or ready to let someone have it. He probably thinks he’s won this battle. But he will be sorry he ever messed with me. I can’t take away the scars that have been left on my heart, but I refuse to let him invade my heart.

Ephesians 6:11 says to put on the full armor of God. Not some of it. Not just this piece or that one. All of it. When the devil attacks, I’m going to pray harder. I’m going to give freely. I’m going to worship with intensity. I’m going to love deeply. I want to be so interconnected with God that it would burn the devil to even touch me. I’m putting on my armor. What about you?

I'll Consider It...

Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4

Joy? Really? I dunno if I’d go that far. During the past month and a half, I’ve experienced deep sorrow. I’ve cried more than I have in my entire life. This huge trial (that I have no control over) looms before me. And my heart breaks for what the outcome might be. But during this time of intense pain and uncertainty, God has done some amazing things. I can see how many relationships have been strengthened because of the situation. I’ve also been able to express thoughts that I would not have shared otherwise.

So even if the outcome is not what I want, I thank God for the changes that were made because of it. No, I won’t be throwing any parties like “Woohoo! Crying people! Let’s bring on the Diet Coke and queso dip!” But I can find peace and contentment at the end of this mess. Maybe Paul said it best, “I have learned the secret of being content whatever the circumstances…I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Phil. 4:11-13

To Facebook or Not to Facebook

Ok, so tons of people have bugged me about getting a Facebook. I've known about FB since 2004, but wasn't ready to commit. In 2006 I got a Myspace page because some of my friends wouldn't give me their pics any other way. So I gave in. Now I'm faced (get it?) with a dilemma. Should I give in to FB or stand my ground?

Here are my reasons for not having FB:
I already have a myspace page.
I don't wanna have to keep up with another social network. (Yeah, I'm lazy)
I am really stubborn sometimes. When someone tells me that I will do something, the rebel inside me wants to do the opposite just to spite them.
I want to be the last remaining person on earth to not have FB. Maybe I'll get put in the world record book or something.

This is what I'm thinking... If 20 people were to comment me and tell me why FB is worth it, then I will get one. If not, then NO DEAL! That's it. No anonymous commentors either, you cheaters. Let's see what happens.

New Normal

It's crazy how one minute your life is completely normal. The next minute sirens are blaring and suddenly your world is turned upside down. And you are left to deal with the destruction. To put the pieces of your life back together, one at a time. That's where I am.

Don't Use Butter, Substitute Margin

A border, an edge, reserved space. For teachers, it's that part of a notebook page that the students are Not supposed to write on. It's holy...or something like that. Still, some of my little darlings pay no attention and go right (or write) up to the red line and beyond.

Like my kiddos, I haven't been paying attention to the margin in my life. And God began to speak to me about. "You weren't made to go 90 miles an hour through life. You don't have to be a part of everything. The world can still run without you. (Ouch!) Take a break. Be still and know that I am God." So over the past the month, I've been creating margin in my life.

Margin in my daily schedule - I had to give up some groups, activities and hangin outs that I enjoyed for more time devoted to important things.

Margin in my health - Not having something on the schedule every minute freed up some time for me to work out more and also get more rest at night so I'm not exhausted when I get up in the mornings.

Margin in my checkbook - I began taking a certain amount off the TOP of my paycheck rather than saving whatever I had left at the end of the month. Because, let's face it, there's never much left by the end.

Margin in relationships - I always think of John 15 (the vine and the branches). So I'm doing some pruning. I am letting go of friendships that are draining and emotionally unhealthy, and pursuing ones that are balanced and uplifting.

And these are some of the results that have happened since adding margin to my diet. I have more time to spend in God's Word. Not just a check off the to-do list, but really diving in and finding out more about Him. I spend more time in prayer and have watched God swiftly answer some difficult requests I've thrown His way. I'm getting healthier, but it's a process. Maybe if I had Jillian or Bob... Anyway, I get more sleep at night so I'm not fatigued when I get up and spend the day with 17 lil punkins! My checkbook is a lot happier and so is my savings account. It's a relief to know that if something breaks or there's an unexpected emergency, I can pay for it without going into debt. Over the past six months, I've felt very alone. But I am building new friendships and rebuilding old friendships. I have people in my life who sincerely care about me, and who I feel like I could talk to about anything. There's a feeling of peace that comes with accountability. That you don't have to go through this life on your own.

So in closing, I recommend adding a little margin to the recipe of your life. (Yep that was cheesy, but I just couldn't help myself!) =)

The Mom Song

I'm not a mom, but this cracked me up! And the longer I teach, the more I start sounding like my mom.

Do You Think I'm Intimidating?

This was written last year, but it still makes me smile. So I thought I'd share.

Monday started out okay. It was the first day of parent teacher conferences, and the 3 parents scheduled did not show up. I really wasn't surprised. Tuesday I had a conference with "The Angry Parent #2." (The title Angry Parent #1 was already taken at the beginning of the year.) So she comes in and commences to chewing me out. AP#2 tells me that her son was sent down straight from Heaven, he never does anything wrong, and he thinks I am intimidating. I've been called lots of things (ex. strict and rigid), but not the I-word. She informed me that the kid had begged her several times to be moved to another class. She also mentioned that even though you're not supposed to have favorites between your kids, he was her favorite. It must be because he was sent from Heaven. (I can only imagine where the others came from.) Anyway, back to the story.

Then Angry began telling me what all I had supposedly done-dragged her son away during recess time and moved his desk to the "Stupid Kids Group" for no apparent reason. (Yes, those were her words, not mine!) Then it was my turn to talk. She didn't know that he had been poking another student with his pencil, been told twice to stop, and still continued doing it. During class, not at recess time, his desk was moved to the "Kids-who-can't-always-keep-their-hands-and-feet-to-themselves Group" for obvious reasons. Well, AP didn't know all of those facts.

So she did what any disbelieving mother would do- she changed the subject. I had made her precious angel learn about Martin Luther King and write an "I have a dream" speech. She knew that this was an important event a long time ago, but didn't understand why we were still studying it! At this point I think she realized I am Not White. She began to backpedal. I sat and listened while she dug the hole deeper and deeper. Finally, she had absolutely nothing left to say. "You've taken this quite well," she told me at the end of our conference.

The next day, AP#2 arrived to school early. She had a tray filled with cupcakes. "I felt so bad about yesterday, I brought you these cupcakes," she stated without making eye contact. A peace offering of chocolate and pure sugar. Maybe I am intimidating after all!

Whack!

How often will a puppy keep coming up to you if you bop it on the nose? What if you bopped it every time it approached? Or maybe just once in a while? At what point does the puppy think, "I don't have to put up with this," and goes in the other direction?

Sometimes I feel like the puppy. When I get "bopped on the nose," I want to run...M-E-D-8-ly. (Did you figure that one out yet?) I shut down. I don't want to be around the person. At times I just want out of the relationship all together. With most folks, I am pretty easy-going. But when someone I love hurts me, it is devastating. Yeah, yeah, I know people are human and we all make mistakes. But it crushes me when the blow is delivered by a "friend." I can only imagine what Jesus must've been thinking when Judas betrayed him. He even knew it was coming!

So anyway, back to the question. What do you when you get bopped? Do you shut down, lash out, gossip, forgive and forget, etc.? Do you keep returning? Are you more guarded the next time? And when is enough enough? I'd love your thoughts.

A Moment of Genius

In the wee moments before I went to sleep last night, my mind was spewing out all sorts of random things. Here's a glimpse: Why is the light still on? I wish I had a clapper light. Clap On, Clap Off. Who invented that? Why can't I go to sleep? Ok, stop thinking...

What's the weather like tomorrow? Doh! I can't stop thinking! They should make something that empties your brain before bedtime. Maybe like a USB plug. Ooooo! Then you could plug it in to your computer, and Presto! You don't even have to type because it's already programmed in there. Dang I'm smart! Now I just have to figure out how to make it. If you have any ideas, we'll partner up and share the wealth 70-30. Ok fine, 60-40 but that's my final offer. Hey I think the Nyquil is starting to...

Birthday Bonanza

This Sunday, three family birthdays will be celebrated. I will be 26, my brother will be 29, and my nephew will be 2.

Growing up, my brother and I had the same birthday routine: a half white cake (usually with GI Joes or something violent), the other half was chocolate cake (consisting of Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake or Barbie, depending on the year), with vanilla and chocolate ice cream. We’ve partied at Mickey D’s, skating rinks, and a variety of other places. However, most people don’t know the significance of our shared birthdays. Let me enlighten you. But first, we have to travel back in time. (Get in the Delorian!)

Before I was born, my parents had 2 boys. They loved them dearly, but thought, “We can do better than this! We need a little girl.” For years they looked into local adoption. Because they already had two kids, they were told to go home and be happy. Luckily, my parents are relentless, I mean, persistent. So they began looking into foreign adoption.

One day my mom received a call from the adoption agency. There was a beautiful baby that had recently been born in Seoul, South Korea. Oddly enough, my mom’s first question was, “When was she born?” The lady on the phone replied January 11. Mom was speechless for a moment. That was the date of her second son’s birthday too. “We’ll take her,” she stated. The lady was stunned and asked if she wanted any other information before officially adopting this child she knew nothing else about. My mom said she knew all she needed to know to make the decision. Four months later they received a healthy, gorgeous baby girl to add to their family…And I’ve been here ever since. Thank God I wasn’t born on the 12th! Whew!

Two years ago, my sister-in-law was preggers. She decided to be induced on January 11. For 24 years, I had accepted only getting ½ of a birthday. But 1/3?? That’s 33.33%! The selfish, frugal, crap-I-gotta-buy-more-cards-and-gifts-on-my-own-birthday, monster inside me began to rear its ugly head. However, once I saw that precious baby boy, I got over it. Plus I decided that instead of turning another year older, I will only turn 1/3 of a year older. So I’ll turn 24 & 2/3 on Sunday. Maybe that’s why I love the kid so much!

The Tithe(s)

I started tithing when I became a school teacher. Still living at home, no car payments, and having a steady income made tithing pretty easy to do. Each month I faithfully wrote my check, placed it in the offering bucket, and felt good about it. I always had enough money to take care of my bills and plenty left over for whatever I wanted after that. Tithing became part of my normal routine even when I bought a house and car. I knew that money was set aside because it was really God's money and not mine. This year I even switched over to autodraft so it goes straight from my checking account. Everything was great until God rocked my boat...

I was watching a Joyce Meyer episode on being busy. She talked about people being too busy to spend time with God. Over the Christmas break, He started whispering to me, "Why are you so good at tithing money, but lousy at tithing time?" Ouch. I had never really thought about it before. I've heard preachers talk about spending time with God in the morning. It's better, it's more biblical and yada yada. Well that sounds wonderful except for the fact that I am NOT a morning person. I barely talk to people until I've been awake for at least an hour, usually 2 hours. When my alarm clock goes off in the morning, I hit the snooze button and talk to God during those waking moments until the snooze alarms sounds. That's about as good as it's gonna get for the mornings.

After school is when I sit down and do a devo or read my Bible. However, the after school thing is inconsistent. Sometimes, I'm tired and just want to nap. Or I have work, finances, chores, or errands to do. Other times, I'd honestly rather do something else like play guitar, watch TV, or read fabuloso blogs. It's not that those things are bad. But they seem to be crowding out my TAG (Time Alone with God). We make time for the things that are most important to us. I say that I want to be like Paul in Philippians 3:7-11. But do my actions back it up? If someone looked at the itinerary of my life, would they know that Christ is at the center?

Lately, God has been calling me to tithe my time. "Don't try to fit me in your schedule. Why don't you make your TAG a priority, and fix your schedule around it?" Umm, ok God. You're right. Wait...you're always right.