Awww, Mem'ries (Part 4)

The Why

Once I arrived back home, I started to process what had happened. A wave of emotions hit me as I sat propped up in bed. I was angry, disappointed, and bitter. But buried deep down inside, I knew God had a reason for doing this.

When I was a junior in high school, I decided that I wanted to become a Supreme Court justice. The money and power seemed incredibly enticing to me. At 17 years old, I planned out my whole future career. In college I would major in Elementary Education (an easy major and also a fall-back if law school didn’t work out), then go to Yale Law School, then take over the world. I had planned on preparing for law school as soon as a graduated.

Breaking my knee pretty much interrupted my schedule and my plans. During my time in Costa Rica I felt God nudging me about becoming a teacher. I shook it off. “God, there’s no money in teaching. I’ll never really use this degree. It’s just a stepping stone,” I explained. But God continued to push. Finally, I told him, “I know that teaching is what You want me to do, but that’s not going to happen. I’m gonna do what I want.” So on Thanksgiving Day on the last day of school, God broke me. (Coincidence? No, I’m pretty sure He planned that out.) Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually I was broken before Him. “Are you ready to listen?” He asked. God had my attention.


After graduation, instead of studying for the LSAT and mailing applications for law school, I was relearning how to bend my knee, one millimeter at a time. One day I was flipping through radio stations during my therapy and found K-Love. I set it as my alarm so that every day I would wake up to their music. The songs seemed to speak directly to me. There were some days when I would lay in bed for hours and cry because I knew God was drawing me closer. My relationship with Him, which had been stagnant for the past few years, grew stronger and stronger. And my knee grew healthier and bendy-er. By the end of the road to recovery, I was closer to God than ever before. I only wish it hadn’t taken a broken kneecap to get me there. But sometimes we have to learn the hard way. God, not my will, but Yours be done.