Who Reads This Stuff?

Made to Worship

2010-09-08T22:36:00.003-05:00

I stole the title from Chris Tomlin's song. I haven't written in a while. I didn't know what to write about. And I haven't had much time to write. Busy-ness with work and other stuff has kept me from blogging lately. I've mostly been working on my book, so the thought of writing in addition to that seems undesirable. But last night was different.

I went to a worship night at the NW campus. There was no sermon, just worship time. It was a small crowd. I sensed that this was a room of people hungry for something. For some, it was acceptance. Others needed to release fears or unforgiveness. Many had burdens to lay down at the altar. I was there to worship. To spend time with God. To offer him my imperfect voice. Regardless of the reasons why people came, I felt a sense of unity. We all needed something.

I recalled reading about Gideon. He brought his offering and set it before the Lord. The angel of the Lord touched the offering with his staff, and fire consumed it. As we offered up songs of praise, I imagined God soaking up our worship in a brilliant fire. The words "God is a consuming fire" never seemed more real. I couldn't help but smile. God loves it when his children cry out to Him. Sometimes it's in desperate and painful situations. Other times it's when we're rejoicing or thankful. But He always wants to hear from us.

I heard a pastor say that God never listened to one of his sermons and said, "Wow! I never thought of that before." We can't present any new wisdom to Him. Our good deeds are like filthy rags. But worship is one of the few things we have to offer.

A few months ago, I picked up my guitar and started to play a worship song. Quietly, He whispered, "Are you just a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal?" Ouch. I was more worried about the chords and the strum pattern than actually worshiping the Creator. He doesn't want lip service. He wants a relationship. We were made to be in fellowship with Him. We were created for His glory.

Worship is not just singing or playing music. It is an act of love or devotion, to give something worth. Often, I've had to ask myself this question: what does my life reflect? That I worship God or the things of this world? Our time on this earth is fleeting, and I want to live to make every second count.

The Gift of the Holy Spirit

2010-06-30T13:16:00.011-05:00

As a child, hearing about the Holy Spirit (aka Holy Ghost) was always something that freaked me out. I used the movies Ghostbusters and Casper to try to process what the Sunday School teachers were telling me. But I had no real concept of this third person in the trinity.

When Christ died, he didn't just save us from our sins. But he unleashed the power of the Holy Spirit on every believer. Sadly, many believers don't understand what that means nor care to understand it. We're cool with God and Jesus, but this Holy Ghost weirds us out. So, with most things we don't understand, we push it towards the back and try not to think about it.

I didn't start caring until recently. So I began digging into the Word to learn more. Through scripture we see that the Holy Spirit acts as a Counselor who guides you into all truth, helps us in our weakness, and intercedes for us. It testifies that we are God's children. We are "marked in Christ with a seal (the Holy Spirit) ... a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession."

When Adam and Eve sinned, God covered them with garments of skin. When the prodigal son returned home, his father covered him with a robe. When Jesus appeared to his disciples after the crucifixion, he said that soon they would be "clothed with power from on high." The Holy Spirit covers us. It covers our sinfulness and brokenness. God now sees us as his children, as co-heirs with Christ. But many of us walk around like we're naked. We try to cover ourselves with good deeds rather than allowing the Spirit to fully envelope us.

Jesus gave his disciples the authority to heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, and drive out demons. But why don't we see those things happening anymore? Maybe it's because we don't ask for it.

"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
~Luke 11:11-13

Kicking Anthills

2010-06-23T10:51:00.010-05:00

What happens when you kick over an anthill? The ants usually have it rebuilt the next day. They don't relocate or give up. They choose to rebuild in the same spot. Every time. In order to get rid of the ants completely, you don't just squash the worker ants. You have to take out the source.

"When an evil spirit comes out of a man, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that man is worse than the first."
~Luke 11:24-26

I've had problems with ants coming in near the kitchen sink. I sprayed the windowsill which took out some of the workers, but other ants continued to invade my home. So I bought these ant baits at the grocery store. Here's how it works. The ants take the bait back to the nest where it then kills all of the ants. Last month I set one in the windowsill and haven't seen any live ants in weeks. It worked!

The same scenario is played out in our lives. We kick over anthills. For example, we make New Year's resolutions that maybe last a week. We go on diets or exercise programs, buying all this equipment, only to give up after a few attempts. We have good intentions to help someone, but get overwhelmed with our own agendas.Or we decide to stop a certain sin, but we can't seem to cut it off completely. Sometimes our failure discourages us from even trying again. And the ants march on.

The problem is that we fail to take out the source. God has equipped us with everything that we need to succeed. But many times we don't know how to use it. Jesus said, "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father."

The question is, do you really believe Him? In the next few days we'll look at how to use the gifts God has given us. Thanks for reading.

The Unmerciful Servant

2010-06-07T23:36:00.004-05:00

In Matthew 18, Jesus tells this story about a forgiving king who canceled the debts of a servant who owed him millions of dollars. But the servant then went to a fellow servant who owed him a few bucks. He choked the guy and then had him thrown into prison. When the king found out what his servant had done to the other man, he had him thrown in jail and tortured until he paid back all of his own debts.

I've always viewed this as a story about forgiveness (and it is!), but last week God showed me a new take on it. I was recently blessed financially. When this unexpected blessing came, I was so excited because I knew it was from God. I had lots of ideas about how I wanted to spend the money. The next day I was planning on buying a swimming pool. I had hunted down (via Internet) the perfect one, stalked it on the shelves of Walmart, and was almost ready to purchase. But I decided to have my brother come with me to get it, so he could help load it in the car and unload it when we got to my house. While I was waiting on my brother, I checked the mail. Bills, junk, and an organization asking for money. I've already given enough to them, I thought. But it seemed like a thorn stuck in my side. I have my own mission trip that I need to pay for, I reasoned. The thorn dug a little deeper. "What God?" I asked aloud. But I already knew the answer. "But I really want a pool!" I whined. So I decided to compromise. I would give to the organization later, but I would get the pool now. I picked up my brother, and we headed to Walmart. He started asking all these questions about the pool. "Where are you going to put it? Is it level? Can you store it?" Umm, I guess I hadn't really thought it through. "I'll figure it out later," I quickly answered. A sagging feeling hit me. The pool would not be there. Sure enough, we arrived at the store and every box was gone.

Most of my life I have been money-hungry. I remember counting my coins repeatedly as a child. Too often I put my trust in money and security rather than God. I always think back to the movie Ghost, when Whoopi Goldberg has to hand a check over to the nun. I can relate completely! God hands me money that wasn't even mine to begin with, then He asks me to do something, and I throw a mini-tantrum. One thing I'm learning (and relearning) is that you probably won't lose something when you have a tight grip on it, but you cannot receive anything more when you have a closed fist. God, help me to have open hands to receive what you have for me, but also to give what you want me to give.

Can You Relate?

2010-04-14T23:39:00.008-05:00

I've been reading through some Old Testament stuff, looking to dig in rather than glaze over. Here's one story that stood out. King David had a son named Adonijah. I like to call him Donny. Or maybe Don. Anyway, his dad is getting really old. So Donny decides that he will be king. He ignored the fact that David had many sons and he wasn't really next on the list to be king. Donny organizes a parade and invites only the people he knows will support him. He sacrifices animals and throws a party so everyone will see that he is going to be the next king. However, his pride catches up with him, David names Solomon to be king, and Donny is put to death because of his deception and arrogance.

Unfortunately, I can relate to Donny. There are many times when I try to work things into my favor, even in times when I know I shouldn't. I don't want to listen to others who disagree with me. My selfishness takes over. I don't want to wait on God's timing. Sometimes, it seems He takes too long. Other times, He prompts me to do something, and I have to "pray about it" (when actually I'm stalling because it's an inconvenient task). I get ahead of God or wander off the path into trouble. No wonder we're compared to dumb sheep in some verses. I want to learn how to live in step with God. Not in front or behind. But right beside the loving shepherd.

"Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified its sinful nature. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."
Galatians 5:24-25

Jesus Ain't No Doormat

2010-03-27T23:50:00.015-05:00

Growing up, I always pictured a gentle and meek Jesus. A man who turns the other cheek, heals the sick, and loves children. But that's only one part of who he is. The more I get to know him, I now see another facet of Christ- as a strong and powerful warrior. In Matthew he said, "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword." One of my favorite pictures of Christ is him walking through a crowd that was ready to throw him off a cliff (Luke 4:30).

There are many examples in the Bible where Jesus seems a bit harsh, much different from the usual depiction. A man wanted to say goodbye to his family before he left to follow Jesus and was told, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God." Another time, Jesus said to his friend Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." When Jesus saw the temple being misused, he drove the money changers away by making a whip and overturning tables.

I begin to picture Jesus more like the Incredible Hulk or a UFC fighter. He has high standards, and rightly so. After all, he died a painful and horrible death so that we could be saved. Not so we could have a nice house, lots of money, and no worries. Too often we are more concerned about this life, when we should be concentrating on the next one. Sometimes, I need a good confrontation when I'm screwing up or not doing the right thing. Here are some Jesus quotes that really hit home:

Anyone who loves _fill_in_the_blank_ more than me is not worthy of me.

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. (FYI-If you are reading this, you are rich. If you are reading it from your iPhone...)

Not everyone who says to me, "Lord, Lord," will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.

If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

It's interesting that Jesus mostly taught through parables. The first one, Parable of the Sower, is a great read. Check it out in Matthew 13. I believe he does it to see who is truly seeking him. There are a lot of pretenders who say they believe in God, but live like he doesn't exist. (If this sounds like you, please read The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel. And no, I don't get any commission from supporting the book.)

There are so many times when I take my eyes off of Christ. Trouble or persecution comes, and I lose my focus. Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." He doesn't promise us a smooth ride during this lifetime. But he does promise a safe landing.

I watched a UFC fight a while back. One of my favorite fighters beat his opponent. It wasn't an easy fight. He was bruised and banged up. But afterwards this tough man walks over, picks up his daughter, and hugs her. This is how I picture Christ. He could've quit. Had angels take him down from the cross. But he didn't. Jesus didn't tap. He is reaching out to those who would call on his name. Have you responded? Have you put your trust in him? Have you given him your whole life? There's no better time.

Happy Easter!

The F Word (Part 5)

2010-03-19T01:16:00.010-05:00

The Ultimate Forgiveness

The man who stole my debit card is guilty. There has to be a punishment for his crime. He should be in jail. But what if I stepped in? What if I took his place in a jail cell? What if I was the one separated from my friends and family as he walked around a free man? Do you think it would change him? Or would he continue on in his ways?

Jesus did this for us when he went to the cross. We are guilty of our sin. We broke (and continue to break) God's laws. Because He is a holy God, there has to be a sacrifice. But Jesus stepped in and took the punishment instead. He was beaten and whipped while we walk around free. He died so that we could live forever with Him. Having knowledge of this, do you allow it to change you? Or do you continue on in your ways?

God's mercies are new every morning. He gives us chance after chance. "But don't be deceived. God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life." ~Galatians 6:7-8

God is the ultimate judge. He knows the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Unfortunately, there are many who have deceived themselves. If your life looks like the rest of the world, you should be nervous. God didn't call us to conform, but to transform the world. His kindness should us to repentance and to action. My prayer for you is that during this Easter season, you look at all God has done for you. And your only response is to fully surrender your life to Him.

The F Word (Part 4)

2010-03-18T01:45:00.006-05:00

There are consequences to your actions. Some are harsh while others may be very mild, depending on the behavior. I like justice. When I was younger, I wanted to be a judge or supreme court justice. (They get summers off too.) But God made me a teacher instead. So here I am.

The man who stole my debit card is still running around. He hasn't had to call and change card numbers. He doesn't know all the effects of his actions. Admittedly, when someone wrongs me or my family, I want them to pay. I want them to know and feel the pain or emotional damage they have caused. But the offender cannot always repay you. Sometimes, they appear to get away with it. Or they only suffer mild punishment. It just doesn't seem fair.

Yesterday I ended with a verse. The part that spoke to me the most was to "get rid of all bitterness." Bitterness is like a weed in your garden. If you don't uproot it, it can keep growing and choke out other healthy plants. Ignoring it won't work. Cutting away only the top part (the part others can see) does not take care of the problem either. It's in the roots. It's the part that no one else sees but you. You may appear like everything is fine, but is it really? Get rid of all bitterness.

"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat. If he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you." ~Proverbs 25:21-22

When I first came across this scripture, it made me laugh. Literally, dumping burning coals on my enemy sounded like a good idea. But after studying it more, I discovered other meanings behind it. The Message Bible translates it as, "Your generosity will surprise him with goodness." My translation--You will help him to see a godly response rather than a worldly reaction.

Tomorrow, we'll finish by looking at the ultimate forgiveness. Thanks for reading!

The F Word (Part 3)

2010-03-17T00:41:00.007-05:00

So we've talked about the first step to forgiveness--praying for the person. Now what?! Sometimes people ask, "Am I supposed to be best friends with them now, do I just forget what they've done, do I let them continue to hurt me?" And my answer is "No." There's a big difference between forgiving someone and condoning the behavior. You were called to be a disciple, not a doormat. You also were called to love, not loathe. In 1 Corinthians 13:6, it says love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

There are various levels of love depending on how deep the hurt is. Some relationships can be fixed just with simple communication. But with others it can be a long and difficult journey of getting through the pain (emotional or physical) that was inflicted upon them. Love comes in different forms. I don't know your situation, but hopefully you can relate to these. Maybe for you, you need to talk to the person face to face. Talk to them about how they've hurt you, but also let them know you forgive them. Maybe loving someone means not giving them the evil eye whenever you see them. It could be that you don't take your frustrations out on friends who are close to that person. Maybe it means walking away from another conflict with them. Or not bashing them over the head with a golf club (not that I've ever had that thought before). Maybe it's praying for them to turn their lives around.

It's not always an easy road. But if you take one step at a time, you'll be farther ahead and better off than if you just sit in the dirt and feel sorry for yourself.

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. ~Ephesians 4:31-32

The F Word (Part 2)

2010-03-15T14:21:00.004-05:00

Many times over the Bible talks about forgiving others because God forgave us. It's a lot easier said than done though. It's not just saying the words, "I forgive you." There has to be a change in the heart. We forgive others because we need it. It's not really about our relationship with the offender. It's about our relationship with the Creator.

As I was thinking about the person who stole my debit card, I started getting self-righteous. I mean, in the midst of serving others, and he had the nerve to steal from me. The nerve! And then I thought of the many times I have robbed God. Robbed Him of glory that I took for myself. Robbed Him of money that belonged to Him in the first place. Worshipped idols of comfort and popularity rather than Him. Repeatedly disobeyed and denied Him.

Jesus said that no one is good except God. No one. What if God had said, "Ok Kim, you blew it. That was the last straw. I'm done with you." Luckily, that's not who God is though. He's not waiting for you to mess up so He can inflict punishment on you. His mercies are new each morning. In Isaiah 43:25, He promises to remember our sins no more and says that He does this for His own sake. Again, this shows us that it's not about the offender. It's about our relationship with Him. How do you want God to treat you?

As we talk about forgiveness, I'm sure that you are picturing someone or a maybe a few someones. Who is it that you need to forgive today? And where do you start? From my experiences, I've found that prayer is a good beginning. Praying for the offender does something for my own heart. You probably won't feel like it, but do it anyway. It's like taking your garbage out. It needs to be done even though you may not feel like it. And if you don't, then bad odors start to arise. It's time to take out the trash.

The F Word

2010-03-09T22:58:00.006-06:00

Last week, I got my debit card stolen right out of my purse. So I've had to renew my mind more than usual this week. Like every time I had to retell the story. While I was fuming and thinking about all the ways to hurt this person, I kept thinking about the F word. Not that one! I'm talkin bout Forgiveness. It's the F word you hear at church every once in a while, but what does that really mean? Miles Paludan just gave an awesome message on the subject. He said everything I was going to say, but so much better than I could articulate. Go check it out. Seriously. I'm not joking. Do it now!

http://www.lifechurch.tv/message-archive/watch/red-letter-day/2

This week I'll be blogging about some other stuff that Miles didn't cover in the message. So stay tuned.

Ukraine, You Crazy

2010-03-06T01:23:00.007-06:00

So I'm going to Ukraine this summer. I'm not sure how it happened. I'm not sure where the money will come from. But I know it's supposed to happen.

I finished reading the book Crazy Love. (I'll be starting a book study over it soon.) The last chapter is about taking the info you learned and applying it to your life. So I had this convo with God.

Me: Ok God, what do you want me to do with this stuff?
God: You already know.
Me: Umm, I do??
God: You remember doing the Chazown study (your life vision)?
Me: Yeah, but I dunno. That was like 4 years ago. Is it even still relevant? I mean, helping kids in orphanages seems like a far-off idea.
God: (silence)

The next day I go to the Union (Worship night at Lifechurch). There's was a guy Paul who works with international missions. And he just happened to be in town this week. Paul was there to talk about a mission they are taking in the summer to Ukraine. During the trip they spend time with orphaned kids, loving on them and teaching them about Christ. So I have another convo with God while Paul was speaking.

Me: God, is this what you want me to do?
God: What do you think?
Me: The trip is on July 21st, isn't it?
Paul: ...So we're leaving on July 21st and coming back on August 4.
Me: Ok God. I hear ya.

(Note: My grandma's birthday is on the 21st. I was already planning on taking a trip in remembrance of her. It's the first birthday she'll be celebrating in Heaven.)

I like that God can be blunt sometimes. I don't always have to guess or pray for God's direction. It's right there in my face. The hard part is in the obedience.

Me: If you want me to go, then you'll take care of the money issue, right?
God: Have I ever let failed you when I've led you to do something?
Me: Good point.

I Need Some New Clothes!

2010-03-01T23:05:00.009-06:00

Last week was rough. I was more tired, cranky, and worn out than I've been in a while. Then God interrupted my pity party.

Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. ~Colossians 3:12-14

Notice it says Put On Love. God is the essence of love. He doesn't wake up in the morning, eat his cereal, and put on a shirt, pants, and love. He already is. We, however, have to put on love daily. Some days it's easy to forget though. If you wake up late, get cut off in traffic, or have to deal with difficult people, it's normal to do what everyone else is doing. Complain and blame. But God calls us to a higher standard. Put on love. Forgive. Turn the other cheek. Your reward is in Heaven, not on earth. It's like flossing your teeth. You might not feel like doing it, but you know it's the right thing to do.

Love is NOT a feeling. It's an action. It's something you choose. What would the world look like if we started to radically show love. Not as a conditional, worldly, whats-in-it-for-me love. (Note: I'm not talking about being a doormat and continuously letting someone abuse you while you keep turning the other cheek. We'll discuss that later.) But an unconditional, I'm-free-to-love-because-God-loved-me-first, crazy love.

So this week I'm purposefully putting on love each morning. Lemme tell you it was not easy today. I think God was testing me out a little. But that's how I get stronger. It's like lifting weights. Small resistance develops the muscle, and over time you can lift much more than you could in the beginning. I'm probably starting out with some 2lb weights, but they feel like 20lbs at the moment. Hopefully, by the end of the month, they will seem weightless because I'm growing stronger each day.

So my question is this? What are you putting on each morning: bitterness, unforgiveness, depression, pride, apathy, impatience? Sometimes, even as Christians, we try to fake it by putting on the Jesus is my Homeboy T-shirt. But are you really living like it? Jesus said that people will know my disciples if they love one another. Maybe it's time for some new clothes.

Romans 14-16

2010-02-23T22:32:00.012-06:00

I think the devil created demon-inations, I mean denominations. What a great way to get Christians off the subject of Christ and fighting amongst themselves. Which Bible version did Jesus read, are guitars and drums kosher, is it ok to sing only the first and third verses of the hymns? I'm not saying that denominations are bad. Each one has a purpose and brings in a certain group that others could not reach. But rather than bringing in new people, many churches are in competition with one another. Most things that Christians fight over are insignificant, disputable matters. Things that don't have a clear boundary. Instead of leading people to Christ, we're too busy bickering over the type of wafer to use in communion.

Some individuals, some groups, and some churches have certain ways of doing things. That's perfectly fine. But don't start judging others. As long as we are in agreement about the same God and the same Jesus, I think we'll be ok. Jesus said to love God and love others. And you can't be very loving when you're looking down your nose at someone.

"Weak in faith" doesn't mean that someone is a lesser Christian. They are just more sensitive to their convictions. And we should respect their values. Also, they should not judge or condemn others who might not feel the same way about certain issues.

I've heard countless arguments over issues like gambling, drinking, observing the Sabbath, speaking in tongues, etc. Everyone has their own conscience and set of experiences. If a former alcoholic is coming to my home, I would put the bottles away. If a new Christian is coming to my lifegroup, I wouldn't speak in tongues around them (not that it's one of my gifts anyway). We don't need to be a stumbling block to someone else just because we have freedom in Christ. Jesus wasn't worried about Pharisees and teachers of the law. His focus was on pleasing God and preaching the good news. We should be leading people to the kingdom, not driving them away or dividing ourselves. Paul said it beautifully in these verses:

Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever. I didn't take on their way of life. I kept my bearings in Christ—but I entered their world and tried to experience things from their point of view. I've become just about every sort of servant there is in my attempts to lead those I meet into a God-saved life. I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it!
~1 Cor. 9:19-23 (The Message)

Romans 13

2010-02-20T10:35:00.008-06:00

Submission. We don't really like that word because it opposes our fleshly desires. It opposes our pride. Satan was kicked out of Heaven because he wouldn't submit. His pride caused him to lose his place and settle for a lesser kingdom (until the time God ultimately knocks him out). Many times I have to battle my own pride. But Paul says we are to submit to the authorities because they were established by God. We do this in order to avoid punishment but also because our conscience confirms it.

Back in Romans 12, it talks about love. Being joyful, living in peace with everyone, and not repaying evil. It's not talking about being a doormat. There are a few occasions when people are called to disobey the government in order to submit to God. Very few. Because of men like Martin Luther King Jr. and George Washington, we live in a different world today.

We are called to love one another. But sometimes love is misunderstood. It's not a feeling. Love is an action. It's something we have to put on daily. (Sometimes I have to remind myself hourly.) There is a difference between being nice and being loving. For example, if your friend comes out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to their shoe, the nice thing would be to not say anything at all. You don't want to hurt their feelings. However, the loving thing would be to tell them. It might be slightly embarrassing hearing it from you. But you save them the added embarrassment of hearing it from a stranger. When a friend sins, you love them into repentance. You don't just ignore it, but you don't condemn them either. Often we hear, "Love your neighbor as yourself." But the next verse clarifies what that means, "Love does no harm to its neighbor."

We are to understand the present time and need. Our lives will be over in the blink of an eye. And at the end of this life we will stand before a holy and mighty God, and give an account of everything we've done. This should motivate us to think of the long-term benefits of following Christ. However, there are many who are entangled with sins that have only short-term effects. The Bible doesn't give a list of all the individual sins that people have created for themselves. And because there are vague lines of some sin, often we get as close to the line as we can without stepping over. My personal measuring stick is this question, "Am I hurting the heart of God?" If the answer is yes, then I need to change my actions.

"Clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature." ~Romans 13:14

Romans 11-12

2010-02-16T22:28:00.007-06:00

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. ~Romans 12:2

The more I read in Romans, the more closely I see how Christians relate to Jews. Both groups see themselves as part of a remnant that will be saved. And we can only be saved by grace. So what is grace? It's not something we can earn. It is something that is given. But (in my opinion) grace is not one-sided. It is a gift that calls for a response. The response is faith and obedience. Paul devoted the entire chapter 4 of Romans to talk about Abraham. Abe became the "father of many nations" not by his works, but through his faith. His actions were just a reflection of his heart. It's not as though we are trying to repay God. It's more like a thank you card from Hallmark (not Dollar Tree) because God deserves the very best.

Paul tells us to consider the kindness and sternness of God. He compares Jews to the natural branches of tree, and Christians to the ingrafted branches. Neither group can boast because we are both supported by the root (God). Anyone who doesn't believe is broken off. That's the scary part. There are many Jews and Christians alike who claim to believe in God, but they don't have any real evidence. Their lives don't look much different from a nonbeliever. And I'm afraid that they will realize it too late. Jesus said that many who claim to know Him will not enter the kingdom of heaven.

Some readers have asked about my opinion of "once saved, always saved." I'll share my full view on that topic in the near future, but let's continue on for now.

What do you think of when you hear the word worship? Admittedly, I think of the band playing at church or Air1 music on the radio. But Paul says, "Offer your bodies as living sacrifices for this is your spiritual act of worship." Worship is not just music. Yes, music is a part of it. But it's not the only thing. Worship, for me, means being inspired. Knowing who God is, what He's done for me, and what He asks of me. It's not just an emotion that comes and goes. It's a lifestyle change. If we are going to be transformed (different from the rest of this world), it starts in our mind. It's changing bad habits into good ones. It's a slow process, but it becomes easier the more we do it. When we take captive our thoughts, it influences everything.

"Watch your thoughts, for they become words. Watch your words, for they become actions, Watch your actions, for they become habits. Watch your habits, for they become character. Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny." ~Unknown

Romans 9-10

2010-02-13T10:09:00.012-06:00

Is God fair? It's a question I've struggled with for a long time. How is it that I was adopted into a loving family while others grew up in orphanages or broken homes? Why was I chosen to live in this great country? Meanwhile, there are children in other nations going hungry, without proper medical care, and being exploited. It just doesn't seem fair.

Does God have a system behind who He chooses? I believe He chooses whomever He wants. It's not based on our desire or effort, but on His mercy. That doesn't mean we are mindless machines bending to His will though. We have a choice as well. To make the most out of our situations or to sit down in the dirt and feel sorry for ourselves. Don't blame God because you're sitting in the dirt. Get up and do something! You have a choice. God said that He will answer those who call on Him. So what do you have to lose by trying it? If it doesn't work, you can always sit back down in the dirt again.

So what was Israel's problem? They were hand-picked by God and yet some still didn't get it. They were pursuing their own righteousness (based on works) instead of God's righteousness (faith). They were completely missing the point. God said only a remnant {of Israelites} will be saved. But I believe many Christians are missing it too. We base our salvation around attending church once in a while, throwing a few bucks in the offering bucket now and then, and being basically good as long as it doesn't interfere with our wants and desires. But Christ said, "Narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

If we really put our trust in God, then we shouldn't look like the rest of the world. We are called to a higher standard, but many of us don't want to let go of this life. We want both. However, it is impossible to have two different masters. Again, God gives us the choice.

Some might think God is unfair because there are people who have never heard the gospel. But Christ reassures us that the end will not come until after the gospel is preached to all nations. Still, there are others who were raised in different religions. I believe that God can speak to anyone, even those who aren't seeking Him. I've known atheists who have turned their lives to Christ because He revealed Himself to them. God is God, and with Him all things are possible.

Romans 8 (Part 3/3)

2010-02-09T06:58:00.005-06:00

How many times have you heard someone quote Romans 8:28? "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I love the message of this verse. But sometimes I think we use this scripture too narrowly. We put it in our own materialistic view. Other times we use it in the right context but at the wrong time. We might blurt it out when we don't know what else to say to a friend who is hurting. Many times they just need a listening ear. It's not your advice. It's not your cliches. It's your love. They need your love. They need to know that someone is there who loves them. Don't get me wrong. I wholeheartedly believe in the truth of that verse. But quoting it at the wrong time is like putting a band-aid on a gaping wound. Show them love through your actions, not just in your words.

God loves us. That doesn't mean we won't endure hardships. Paul certainly faced his share of sufferings. But if God is for us, then who can be against us? God's love saves us from our sins, from fear, from guilt and condemnation, from worry, and from anything else that is not of Him. God not only loves, He is the essence of love.

Do you love Him back? I mean, do you truly love God? Or do you only love the things He gives you? Satan challenged God on this issue in the Book of Job. Even though Job lost everything, he refused to curse or blame God. If you were put in Job's position, would you still be able to love God despite your circumstances?

Nothing can separate us from the love of God through Jesus Christ. I pray that today you feel that love, no matter what you're going through. That it gives you peace and strength in the midst of chaos. That it gives you freedom in letting go of past hurts or struggles. And in return, love your Father with everything you have.

Romans 8 (Part 2/3)

2010-02-07T01:47:00.005-06:00

What is the difference between lukewarm people and fully devoted followers of Christ? It's a mindset. When you submit to Christ, you are no longer controlled by the sinful nature but by the Spirit. You can't have both. Paul says that sinful nature equals death, while the Spirit equals life and peace.

I grew up in a church that preached grace more than truth. We learned that God saved us by sending Jesus, we accept Him in our hearts, and we are forgiven so that one day we can go to Heaven. Well that's good stuff and all, but (in my opinion) grace is not a one-way street.

By accepting God's grace, that should lead us to changes in our old behavior. Verse 12 says that we have an obligation to live according to the Spirit. But unfortunately, there are many who believe they can receive grace yet continue living according to their own selfish desires. Paul says that those who are led by the Spirit are sons and daughters of God. It's says led. Are you allowing the Spirit to lead you? To guide and direct your path? Have you truly surrendered your life over to Christ or are you holding some back? The Spirit works like a GPS system. It was a gift from Jesus when He left the earth. But you have to activate it, keep it charged, and plug in a destination in order for it to work. Sadly, many are driving through life with their GPS thrown in the glovebox. It's there as a comfort, but they are not utilizing the device at all.

There's a song by Kenny Chesney that irritates me. It says, "Everybody want to go to heaven, but nobody want to go now." However, the whole creation has been groaning. What does that mean? The Bible compares it to a woman in labor. Creation is waiting to be redeemed. As true believers and followers, we should be eagerly awaiting the day when we receive new bodies. The day when Christ, the hope of glory, returns to make us co-heirs with Him.

But if you're living like the rest of the world, maybe you're not ready to go. My hope for you is that you're not ready to go yet, because you realize there is so much more work left to do.

"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few." ~Jesus

Romans 8 (Part 1/3)

2010-02-06T10:45:00.008-06:00

This chapter brings back so many memories. I'll be blogging on Romans 8 for a few days since there's too much to share in one run-on blog. This chapter is the main reason I decided to look into my lukewarm-ness. Or aka Practical Atheism (btw Craig Groeschel's new book is coming out soon!).

Everyone (from OK at least) remembers the April 19, 1995 Oklahoma City bombing. It was a sad tragic day that took the lives of 168 people. One of those people was Victoria Texter.

My family knew Victoria pretty well. She was in my parents' Sunday school class. She had "bought" me in an auction to clean her windows. Her son went to school with my brother. We had even seen Vicky the night before at a junior high awards assembly. It was my dad's birthday, and (like most days) I was ready to go eat. They were talking with Vicky and her husband. Impatiently, I hurried them along to the car. They said their goodbyes, not knowing it would be the last time.

Fast forward to the next day. I was on a school bus when the bombing happened. It wasn't until later that day I found out Vicky worked at the Murrah building. And she was missing. That night, I got down on my knees in my bedroom, and prayed with everything I had in me. I fully believed God would save her. Several days went by and her body was one of the last to be found.

My heart sank. Why hadn't God answered my prayer?? I was a good Christian girl. I went to church, memorized scripture, and tried not to cuss. What more could He ask of me? Then I came across Romans 8:5-11. The words on the page pierced my heart, and I had to ask myself this tough question. Do I really belong to Christ? Yes I had made a decision at the age of 7, but did I really belong to Christ? If I examined my life, I wasn't controlled by the Spirit, but by my sinful nature. Therefore, I could not please God. In fact I wasn't even sure if God lived in me.

It was the first time I had ever questioned my relationship with God. I began digging through scriptures, and found myself very lacking. I put on a good Christian front, but was really living by the world's standards rather than God's.

Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test? ~2 Corinthians 13:5

Too often I don't think anyone can tell the difference between nonbeliever and believers. Collectively, we've become a society of cultural Christians. We go to church and do our thing, but we don't wanna be considered "radical." Preaching and leading others to Christ is left to the pastors. After all, they're getting paid for it. Meanwhile, I picture God shaking His head, knowing He has created us for so much more than this.

Romans Ch.7

2010-02-04T16:37:00.008-06:00

In this chapter, Paul continues to talk about the struggle with sin. But didn't we just cover that in the previous chapter? Why does he feel the need to address it again? Because so many of us Christians can easily identify with his words. We have a desire to do good but can't carry it out. Or we try to stay away from sin but get hooked by it repeatedly.

When you gave your life to Christ, your former self died. But some of us are still carrying around our old, lifeless selves. Whenever I am tempted by my former sins, I imagine myself being handcuffed to a dead body. Forced to drag it around. Carry it to work and to church. It serves as a morbid, but sobering reminder of what sin is. It's simply dead weight that God wants us to leave behind.

Here's another illustration I found while at school. We have a lizard named Larry who lives in the library. (Love the alliteration there!) One day Larry (accepted Christ and) shed his old skin. However, there was a problem. Not all of the skin came off. On the top of Larry's head was the final piece, but it was stuck on his little lizard horns. He did his best to get it off by himself, but eventually the librarian had to come to his rescue. She removed the dead skin, and Larry was a happy lizard again.

In verse 4 Paul talks about dying to the law through Christ so that we might bear fruit to God. It doesn't say we die to the law so that we can do whatever we feel like. But how can we bear fruit if we have something stuck to us? It becomes our focus. And it becomes our discouragement if we can't get rid of it. I said it yesterday. I'll say it today. Find someone who will help you. Larry would still be miserable if the librarian hadn't been there to help him.

Many people have come to this roadblock in their walk with Christ and unfortunately have given up. Please press on. I relate it to playing guitar. When I first started learning guitar, it was so much fun. Then I met the F chord. (And I know why it's called that.) No matter what I did, I could not get the strings to play properly. It was frustrating, but I practiced each day (sometimes only for 10 minutes or so). With each day, my fingers grew stronger. One day I was playing the chord and a glorious sound returned to my ears. I'd finally gotten the result I was looking for.

Your sin struggle is not about winning the war. It's about the little battles you face everyday. Taking captive your thoughts. Avoiding certain places. Opening up to your accountability partner. Spending time in the Word. And eventually you'll be strumming along and this glorious sound of God's freedom will resonate within your heart.

Romans Ch.6

2010-02-02T10:22:00.010-06:00

Dead to Sin, Alive in Christ
When you accept Christ as the Lord of your life, Paul says that your old self is crucified with Him so that the body of sin might be done away with. Notice it says crucified. It doesn't say vanished, died immediately, or removed quickly. It's very often a painful process when you've been living a certain way and are called to change. Just ask a gossip, a drug addict, an alcoholic, or someone addicted to porn.

In verse 18 Paul states, "You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness." So we're set free, only to become slaves again? Some people have a problem with this because they don't want to be ruled by anything. However, this time we have a much better master. A master who loves us deeply. A master who only wants the best for us.

So how do we free ourselves from the sin that has us entangled? In order to break a habit, you have to replace it. When I gave up drinking 6-8 Dr. Peppers every day, I had to replace it. The answer: Diet Coke. Praise be to God for that stuff! I lost 15lbs immediately. Sometimes habits take longer to break though. Imagine a soldier returning from the front lines of enemy combat. He has to retrain himself. When the cat jumps up unexpectedly, his mentality will likely take him back into survival mode. He has to keep reminding himself daily that he's home now, in a place of peace. In order to battle sin, we must do the same. We remind ourselves that we belong to Christ. We do this through reading the Word, prayer, and worship.

Sounds a lot easier than it is though. Often, Christians will struggle but try to work it out on their own. After all, we are supposed to be dead to sin when we accept Christ, right? We don't want anyone to see our boogers. And that's exactly where the enemy wants us. Alone and defenseless. How do we oppose that? Find an accountability partner. Today!! Find someone who knows you have boogers and is willing to bring you the box of tissues.

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. ~Ecclesiastes 4:12

It might be a difficult walk to the cross, but you'll have a friend to help you up if you stumble. Imagine the day when we place our sins at the foot of the cross, and we pick up righteousness.

Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.
~2 Timothy 4:8

Romans Ch.5

2010-02-01T00:13:00.006-06:00

Chapter 5 speaks of the peace we receive when we enter into a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Peace doesn't mean that you will no longer have problems or stress. Rather it is a security in knowing that God is there for you, and an assurance that one day you will spend eternity with Him. Paul says to rejoice in hope and also in suffering. He claims, "...suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." And if anyone had a right to complain about circumstances, it would be Paul. (Well, Job had a rough time too.) Too often we question God when bad things happen. Our suffering should not lead us to doubt, but instead to hope. I love this quote from my study guide on Romans, "Just as a resistance to a muscle strengthens it, so challenges to our hope can strengthen it."

When you accept Christ, you receive the power of the Holy Spirit. That is, God dwelling inside you! He set it up long before you even thought about loving Him. While I might not understand all of His ways, I know that He loves me. That I can get through anything because I have His power to rely on. Many times I've heard people misquote this verse, "God will not give me more than I can handle." Wrong!! Often He gives you more than you can take on, so that you have to lean on Him. His power is made perfect in our weaknesses. Just look at the rag-tag group of disciples Jesus gathered. They were just ordinary people who said yes. And when they received the Holy Spirit (the same one that resides in you and me), then they were able to do extraordinary things.

Romans Ch.3 & 4

2010-01-31T11:41:00.010-06:00

Who is better, the Jews or the Gentiles? Answer: We are all under sin and fall short of the glory of God. Whether we are under the law or not, we will all be held accountable to Him. No Jew or Gentile can become righteous from obeying the law. Rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

What does that mean? I'll put it in 3rd grade terms. When students come at the beginning of the year, many are still nose-pickers. They don't know that they shouldn't do it until someone tells them (either me or a rude peer). When they are aware that it's wrong, they will begin to hide it better. Some pickers cover their noses with their other hand, or the smarter ones will even put a book in front of their faces.

Because we were all nose-pickers (or sinners), we had to be made right somehow. This righteous from God (that is, Jesus) was sent as the ultimate sacrifice for our wrongs. There is no boasting. Some might say, "Well, I don't pick my nose anymore." But your nosepicking in the past has to be made right. Still others use the argument, "Well, I'm forgiven so I can continue picking my nose because my wrongs enhance God's righteousness." To which I would say, Stop picking your nose!

In Chapter 4 Paul spends the whole chapter describing Abraham. Abe wasn't considered righteous based on his actions, but only because of his strong faith.

For if those who live by law are heirs, faith has no value and the promise is worthless, because law brings wrath. But where there is no law there is no transgression. ~Romans 4:14-15

Because Jesus died for our sins, we're are no longer bound under the law. Our sins are wiped clean and there is no wrath. We are now called to live by faith in a God who loved us so much that He sent His Son to die for us. And if we are truly living by faith, why would we ever want to continue messing around with our former sins?

Romans Ch.1 & 2

2010-01-29T00:40:00.009-06:00

Throughout Romans we see the word righteousness. Paul tells us that a righteousness from God is revealed by faith. He is referring to Christ. He also states that the righteous will live by their faith, not through obedience. However, let's not forget that faith without works is dead. We can't work our way into Heaven. It's a free gift. But God also reminds us that it's not a license to do as we please.

Next Paul discusses the wrath of God and the actions of those deserving of it. It's interesting that gossipers are included in the same boat as murderers and God-haters. As Christians we sometimes look down on others because their sins are "worse" than ours. But God cannot tolerate any sin. None. It's not that He's waiting to punish evil sinners. He wants all of us to return to Him. In fact it's God's kindness, not a fear of punishment, that leads us to repentance.

The law is also a common theme in Romans. The law is inherent. Jesus summed it up with 2 commandments: Love God and love your neighbor. When a person (even an unbeliever) follows one of these out of instinct, it confirms God's truth. As Christians, we are not judged based on the law. Rather, our salvation comes only from the Righteousness of God that we talked about earlier.

Paul talks about the Jews and the Gentiles regarding the law. To the Jews who were bragging about their relationship to God, Paul gave them a sobering reminder which came straight from the OT, "God's name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you." And as I read it, the word Gentiles just didn't quite seem right. We could easily replace it with the word outsiders. Like the Jews, we can get caught up in our oh-so-fake image meanwhile we are dying on the inside. Paul compares it to the act of circumcision. It means nothing if is only done outwardly. There has to be a circumcision of the heart.

Waking Up to Romans

2010-01-28T17:35:00.015-06:00

Last Sunday a group people from my lifegroup made the decision to get up an hour early and spend time in the Word. Let me tell you, it was not an easy choice to make when the alarm is buzzing and I'm wrapped up in my soft, warm sheets. Nevertheless, I rolled out of bed each day.

A few weeks ago I had bought a study guide on the book of Romans. As I've been reading each morning, God is showing me verses I has previously skimmed over. So for the next week or so, I'm gonna share some things that He is revealing to me through scriptures.

For readers who are participating, I'd love to hear from you. Please leave a comment about one thing you learned through the Word, a question that you had, or something God has been doing through your obedience. Can't wait to hear the stories!

The Awe Factor

2010-01-21T22:44:00.003-06:00

Love this video. Really makes you think.

A Foggy Morning

2010-01-15T07:57:00.002-06:00

A haze
Covering the land
Dim lights
Traveling along a familiar road.

Our eyes
Cannot see before or behind
A veil
Hides the truth.

God, remove the curtain
Give us eyes that we may see
Show us the way
The way that leads to life.

Like a Fine Wine

2009-12-31T00:30:00.000-06:00

I'm not gonna lie. I'm sooo ready for 2010. As I was cleaning out my room today, I found a ticket stub from 2006. Aww 2006, like a vintage wine, was a great year. I was learning so much about God, meeting new friends, and experiencing wonderful miracles. It is a time I will never forget.

Over the past years, it's not that I've lost those things. I'm just not a pup anymore. You know how puppies discover things for the first time, like their tails and clothes from the hamper. I'm growing up. I'm learning with each new experience. 2009 was a season of trial. I knew I would survive it, but I wasn't quite sure what state of mind I would be in.

Yet I can see how God had his hand in the midst of it all. I can tell you that if those trials had happened in 2006, I would not have reacted the same way. Luckily, my faith is growing deeper so I can better withstand the blows that life brings.

I remember being "young" and wishing I was like _fill_in_the_blank_ who was such a strong Christian influence. What I didn't understand was that it was her experiences and responses that made her the strong woman she is today. Similarily, when God called Elijah, he didn't give him a pulpit and radio show right off. First, Elijah had to learn to rely on God...for everything. When he proved himself faithful, then God could perform miracles through him.

I've been through a lot. I'll probably go through much more. But I know that I can always rely on God. He has proven himself faithful. I only hope that I can prove myself faithful to Him. 2010 is going to be a great year. As long as God is on his throne, I have nothing to fear. (Oops, didn't mean to rhyme there!)

Prayer Wimp or Warrior?

2009-12-15T23:27:00.009-06:00

When I was brand spankin' new to this Jesus thing, I used to wonder why I needed to pray. If God knows everything, then what effect would praying have on a situation? It will either happen or it won't. And I didn't really believe that praying made much of a difference.

So I started researching the Bible and found the book of Amos. Amos was just an ordinary shepherd until God called him to prophesy to his people. In chapter 7, Amos begged God not to destroy the land. So God relented. God actually listened to Amos!

After reading that, my prayer life radically changed. "Lord, you told me to pray about everything, so get ready." I started really praying. Not the wimpy prayers like "Well if you feel like it, or if it's in Your will." I started believing. And I started to see results. God answered prayers that were unreal. Unexpected. Unimaginable. The more results I saw, the more faith I had, and the harder I prayed.

God's power is so close. Yet often we neglect it. We forget to go to Him first. Or maybe we don't really trust that He'll come through, so we try to fix it on our own. But God designed us to need Him. He wants us to rely on His strength. His power is made perfect in our weakness.

So when you pray, believe that He will answer you. I'm not saying that you will always get what you pray for though. God isn't a cosmic vending machine that caters to your every whim such as, "I'd like to win the lottery, find a hot husband, and never get another breakout." Sometimes, you won't get the outcome you wanted. Sometimes you will. God has a plan and a purpose for all of it though.

What does your prayer life look like? Are you constantly praying for yourself or do you pray for others? If someone asks you to pray for them, do you follow through? If so, are you doing it half-heartedly? I've had to ask myself these questions lately. One day I was praying for someone and God seemed to whisper, "If you really believe that I will answer you, then pray like you mean it." I've had to daily remind myself to not just go through the motions so I could check off my Good Christian box. There is real power in prayer. Tap into it.

One out of Ten

2009-12-13T00:46:00.005-06:00

I was reading the Good Book the other day and came across the story of Jesus healing the ten men who had leprosy. He told them to go see the priests, and they were cleansed as they went. But only one of the men returned to thank Jesus. ONE?!? What happened to the others? Were they late for supper? Could they not find Jesus later?

So here's my question: When God answers one of your prayers, do you thank Him? I mean really, really appreciate what He's done for you? What is it that you need to thank Him for? Don't put it off any longer.

I Heart Myspace

2009-12-04T21:37:00.007-06:00

"When you get a boyfriend, you'll stop hanging out with all your friends." Someone recently told me this and it made me cringe. I’ve been through so many friends that got married, you’d think they wrote the movie 27 Dresses about me. I realize it’s a part of the courtship process. The quiet moments spent with the person who could potentially become your #2. Learning their innermost thoughts, dreams, and ideas. But I never wanted to be That Girl. The girl who was all googly-eyed, opinionless, and couldn’t spend one night out of the week away from her man.

I need my space. Sometimes I need to be alone. Other times I need a girls night.
I also need chill time with God. I need to depend on Him, and Him alone. My future boyfriend or spouse is human. At some point he’s going to let me down, make me angry, or hurt me (hopefully, it’s unintentional). But I can always count on my Savior. He promises to never leave me nor forsake me. So very often I need to fill my Jesus tank.

I can’t say for sure, but I don’t believe I’ll stop hanging out with my friends once I start dating. It’s like a basketball player that trains for the big game. If you practice consistently, then chances are you will play well. If you don’t practice, you’ll probably go home a loser. And I hate losing.

So if you have any advice on keeping the balance of putting God first and your sweetie-pie second, please share your thoughts. I’d love to hear it.

You Don't Always Get Service Like That!

2009-11-17T22:13:00.006-06:00

Life has started to get back to "normal" this past week. I took off work on Friday for a dermatologist appointment. You can tell if I'm stressed just by looking at my face. Needless to say, it has been broken out most of this year. Afterwards, I headed to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions filled. I've been going to this place for years. Bruce, a pharmacist, has known me since I was little. He was there, and I hadn't seen him in a while. When he saw me, he come around the counter and gave me a big hug. He's like hugging a teddy bear. We talked while he filled my prescription. We caught up on life and shared some laughs. As I left, it confirmed why I come to this place. It's all about the service.

Free Hugs!

2009-11-11T16:51:00.005-06:00

Free hugs to any veterans or anyone serving in the military! Whenever I see a veteran (especially Korean War vets), I just want to give them a hug. I can't adequately express how much their service means to me. I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for their sacrifices.

Everyday I wake up, I thank God that I'm alive. That I have a roof over my head and clothes on my back. That I get to live in a free country. Sometimes I don't understand why God chose me. How did he pick me out of hundreds of babies? Many were raised in an orphanage. Still others were aborted or killed because of their gender or because their birth parents couldn't take care of them. Meanwhile I was blessed enough to be adopted into a loving home.

I am forever indebted to those who fought for freedom. To those who fight for our freedom today. And to the God who chose me. I will always work to honor them with my life.

Tithe vs. Debt

2009-11-04T22:40:00.007-06:00

I've heard this question many times while teaching Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. Should I stop tithing and get out of debt first? Well, I knew what the Bible said about debt and tithes, but I had never been in that situation before. And I never thought I would ever have to make that decision.

So when the mortgage bill came that hot summer day, my jaw dropped to the floor. They wanted me to pay $300 more per month because of a mistake their company had made. $300!?! Where was that supposed to come from? I didn't see schoolteachers receiving a raise any time soon, and a part time job while teaching seemed like a bad idea.

I began to pray. Immediately, God whispered, "You already know what to do." And it was true. I had been planning on remodeling my bathroom over the summer so that I could get a roommate. And the rent money would take care of the unexpected $300 debt. The answer was there all along. I just had to follow up.

Quickly, I found someone to redo the bathroom. It turned out great, as you can tell from the previous blogs (although it still needs paint). While I was in the process of getting it redone, I wasn't quite sure how I would pay the extra debt. God answered again. Because I had been paying extra on my car payments for the past year, I could skip a few payments without penalty. Woohoo!!

However, with everything else going on, I still had not found a roommate. During those times of uncertainty, I wondered if I could make ends meet without touching my tithe or my other giving. I would remind God, "You know You promised blessings to those who trust in You, right?" I vowed that I would continue tithing and giving at least until the point of starvation.

One day at lunch I was telling my friend the situation. She started asking people that she knew and found a girl who was interested. Everything was starting to come together. She moved in, and my financial stress vanished.

I knew God was molding me, teaching me to trust Him more. But the part between letting go and grasping for His plan was scary. However, sometimes you just gotta close your eyes, pray to God, and make the jump. And it will be worth it when you finally see the view from the top.

2009-10-19T17:16:00.008-05:00

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.
~Jer. 17:7-8

If I were a tree, what would I look like? Laid back, carefree, just swaying in the wind? Or would I be clinging, struggling, wondering if the storm will ever stop?

As I grow closer to God, my roots grow deeper. I am less worried about trivial matters. I am more productive. But I'm not at this point yet.

The survivor tree which stands at the OKC bombing memorial is a symbol of strength and resilience. The inscription around the tree reads, "The spirit of this city and of this nation will not be defeated; our deeply rooted faith sustains us." That's what I strive to become. I want to be so rooted in Christ that nothing can shake me. I want to give shade to those who need rest from the burning sun. And I want to fully trust that, no matter what happens, my Provider will always come through.

What Happened to Sept??

2009-10-17T02:31:00.015-05:00

Aug 31 was a hard day. We found out my grandma had lung cancer. A few days later the doctors told us it had spread to her brain. A few more days later they said the cancer was in her adrenal glands and was pumping it into every other part of her body. Stage 4. There was no cure. The docs told us they could do chemo and radiation, but it was only to keep her comfortable.

Grandma assured us that it was ok. She had lived a good life and was ready to die. We brought her home from the hospital, and she began radiation that week. My mom, aunt, or I stayed by her side daily. After one week grandma wasn't able to walk on her own. Then she couldn't stand on her own. At times, she would talk in gibberish. We took her to the ER to make sure she wasn't having a stroke or something. They told us it was probably due to the cancer in her brain. We brought her home again.

The next day she laid in bed with her hand in mine. She said she was tired of fighting. She wanted us to call Hospice. The next few weeks were painful. She tried to tell us everything she could remember before she forgot it. She called the ministers and told them exactly how she wanted her funeral. She wanted to see my brother's wedding pics, so I brought over the laptop. We gathered around her bed and smiled and laughed at the pictures.

The next day after school I went over to her house. She said, "I love you, baby" when I came in the door. Those were her last words to me. On the evening of October 7, after every kid, grandkid, and great-grandkid had been by to see her, she died. In her sleep. Just the way she wanted.

I have no doubt that my grandma is in Heaven (probably talking an angel's ear off at this very moment). And I know that one day I will see her again.

Bath Remodel (after-ish)

2009-09-01T16:11:00.005-05:00

So the bathroom is not completely finished yet. Things have been insane lately. There is no paint on the walls, and I still need a new light fixture. Other than that, it's ready to go. Maybe I'll do a vlog after it's painted. Get excited.

Bath Remodel (during #2)

2009-08-21T22:56:00.008-05:00

The bathroom is coming along. There is still dust and debris, but seeing the tile and beadboard makes me forget about it temporarily.

There is a remodel going on in my heart too. Some parts of it are still in the demo process, while other parts are healing quite nicely. While the visible layers are completely new, the foundation remains the same. I can't change the past. I can only move forward. My foundation (the experiences I've had, lessons and morals I was taught) remain with me. And everything else builds on it. It's a painful process, but I know God is in charge the remodel. He'll do the clean up too. I can't wait to see the end result.

Bath Remodel (during)

2009-08-10T01:37:00.019-05:00

Though it is much needed, the remodel is not an easy process. Before I can have a beautiful bath, there has to be some demo work.

There's dust and debris pouring out of the room. The bathroom walls are stripped down to the studs. A layer of dust covers most of the house. A trail of debris leads from the garage all the way to the back of the house.

When I wake up each morning, I can barely breathe. All of the dust leaves me congested and coughing. Pieces of debris stick to my feet as I have to walk down the hallway into the other bathroom. Luckily, I have another bathroom to use while mine is out of order.

It's only temporary, I tell myself. I know that there is a promise of new tile, new vanity, new commode, and shiny new chrome. When you know how the story will end, it helps you endure the hardships of the process.

Bath Remodel (before)

2009-08-06T00:44:00.009-05:00

My master bathroom has been in shabby condition since I bought the house. Below are some pics. I knew the bathrooms would have to be updated. I've never even been in the shower. The soap scum was so thick when I moved in that no brand of cleaning fluid could penetrate it. The toilet swiveled dangerously, and the vanity was moldy-oldy. Thus, it was time for a change...

I Do It Myself!!

2009-08-01T22:05:00.008-05:00

"I do it myself!" my 2-year-old nephew yelled as I tried to help him hold the unsteady plate of Ritz crackers. One cracker slid off the plate and met the floor. He picked it up and put it back on there. "That one is dirty. We'll get you a new one," I tried to reason with him. But he still refused to let me help. As he wobbled back towards the table, more crackers fell off the plate with each step. He was getting frustrated. Finally, he looked up at me, and then handed the plate over. We walked back to the table where he devoured the food as soon as we sat down.

This scene reminded me of my relationship with God. How many times have I pushed God's hand away and told Him I don't need His help? Then I wonder what happened when the crackers hit the floor. When I realize I can't do it on my own, then I give Him control. Why couldn't I hand it over before it reached that point though?

God doesn't want us to have grimy crackers. He wants to give us the best. But sometimes we settle. We settle because deep down we don't really trust God. We'd rather have soiled food than nothing at all. But you can't have God's best if you're holding on to mediocrity. Let. It. Go. Take the step of faith, trust God, and wait on Him. He always comes through.

This is a Test of the Holy Spirit System...

2009-07-27T00:33:00.009-05:00

As I reflect on my life, I have come a long way in my journey with Christ. I started out as a depressed, obese, hateful girl. Then I transformed into a pharisee-like, bible-quoting, uppity Christian. Now I would say I'm a flawed, but striving Christ-follower. And it looks like I still have a looong way to go.

Along memory lane, I can see God's hand in many situations. I can see how He's shaped and molded me. Sometimes he had to press down a little harder because I was resistant. But he molded me nonetheless. My experiences, successes, and failures make me the woman I am today. I am nicer, thinner, funnier, and wiser than I used to be. But I still have a looong way to go.

The school of the Holy Spirit: You never flunk out. You just keep taking the test until you pass.
~Joyce Meyer

I have flunked many tests. But God is gracious and merciful. He's a much nicer teacher than me. We get retakes. And re-retakes. For example, when God is teaching me patience, and I don't learn the lesson, you can bet I won't get the fastest line at Walmart. Or if He's teaching on humility and I flunk that, I won't be beating my brother on the XBox anytime soon. And the list goes on and on.

What is it that is frustrating you? Which test are you struggling in? And what is God trying to teach you through that experience? Study up on it so you can pass the test. Otherwise, He'll see you in class next week.

HP & the Half-Blood Prince

2009-07-15T23:49:00.014-05:00

As ya'll know I'm a fan of Harry Potter. I even waited in line for the midnight showing. At last, the movie began and for two and a half hours I entered a make-believe world.

One of my fave parts of the movie is when Harry drinks Felix Felicis (a potion that gives you good luck), then he succeeds at anything he attempts. In the book it says, "It was as though the potion was illuminating a few steps of the path at a time: He could not see the final destination, ...but he knew that he was going the right way." It reminded me of the Holy Spirit. When you're guided by the Spirit, it's a lamp unto your feet. Sometimes I wish it were a high-beam headlight, but God doesn't operate like that. Why?? Because it builds faith. You trust in Him to get you through. You don't rely on your own strength. Could Harry Potter accomplish his mission on his own? Maybe. Could he accomplish it with the Felix Felicis? Heck yes! When we rely on God, depend on Him for each step, we grow closer to Him. So when the Holy Spirit prompts you, obey. You already know the ending of story, so you can boldly act with confidence.

If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

Challenging Faith

2009-07-09T00:45:00.008-05:00

Last night, Switch was incredible. After our group dismissed, I didn't know if it was good or bad. It was unresolved...

Our topic was about the Bible. Most of my girls aren't very familiar with it. Some of them don't even own one. We discussed how to know it's true, what if you don't get anything from reading it (comprehension probs), and how it relates to everyday life.

My girls asked me some questions that I wasn't quite sure how to answer. I know what I believe in, but at times I found it difficult to explain to them. They continued to question, so I answered some of their questions based on my opinions. For the other questions, I told them we would discuss them next week, (keep 'em in suspense, right?) or in some cases they just had to have faith.

It doesn't feel great when you have to defend yourself, your views, and your God. But in doing so, it strengthened me. It reaffirmed some of my beliefs, but also made me want to search for more solid answers to some of their questions. We'll see what happens next week.

Venting vs. Complaining

2009-07-03T01:44:00.005-05:00

"Life's like a crap sandwich, you can eat it or starve."
- Grandpa

If you are breathing, then you are going to have troubles at some point in your life. The question is, do you know how to deal with it? Some troubles are quick, while others stick around so long you think it's a pet.

When problems come up, I have to talk about it. If I don't, I might blow up. So there are a handful of people in my life that I turn to when I need to vent. Those people love me enough to listen or give advice. Once I let my thoughts, feelings, and emotions out, I usually feel better. I consider myself a Venter.

However, this was not always the case. In the past if something negative happened to me, the world must be coming to an end. I would talk about it, and re-talk, and re-talk. Finally, people got tired of hearing the same ole thing. Then I'd lay in bed at night and think about the worst-case scenarios for my life problems. Some nights I wouldn't sleep at all. It was like I thrived on worrying. I had convinced myself, "this was just the way I am and nothing can change that." Also, if something happened it was always someone else's fault. I never took responsibility for my contribution to the problem. I am a recovering Complainer, Worrier, and Fault-finder.

So what is the difference between venting and complaining? I believe venting is airing out your frustrations to a selected person or group of persons. After you've gotten it out, you work to find a solution to the problem. Complaining is an attitude. IF you continue to talk about your troubles without working to solve them, IF you constantly think the worst of every situation, IF you never take responsibility for your actions, you might be a redneck, I mean, a complainer.

And you have to be careful because venting can easily turn into complaining if you are not intentional with your behaviors.

One of my fave bible verses is John 16:33 where Jesus says "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." Believers can have profound contentment, serenity, and peace no matter what happens because Joy does not come from outward circumstances but from inner strength. Find that strength in your Savior Jesus Christ. Press in and press on.

Movie Blitz

2009-06-30T01:24:00.004-05:00

I've seen 3 movies in the past week. Here's my official review:

Up: 4.5 stars
My word. I cried...twice. It had a great message. The villain was kinda creepy though. Good movie, and not just for kids.

Transformers: 3 stars
I was entertained. The storyline was pitiful. Special effects were the saving grace of the movie. I was worn out by the end. It was too loooooong!

The Proposal: 4.5 stars
Crackalackin! I mean belly fat was burned because of all the laughter! If you don't think this movie is funny, you have no soul. j/k

"Rough Day" Country Song

2009-06-22T00:03:00.002-05:00

It’s like a

Red F on your driving test

A ketchup stain on your pretty white dress

How you feel when the parachute won’t open

And the backup’s broken

It’s a

Root canal without the gas

Or when you’re picked last in PE class

Like a burglar broke in and stole your flat screen

Right before the big game

It’s like

Finding out your best friend’s lying

Gaining weight after exercising

Finding out your identity’s been taken

And your credit’s shaken

Why Don't You Answer Me, God?

2009-06-17T01:20:00.006-05:00

I've often questioned God when it comes to prayers. Sometimes I pray hard for something, something that is definitely in line with His will. But it never happens. Other times I've prayed, and it took years before it was answered. And on occasion I've prayed, and results were immediate.

Over the past few months I've seen that God has delayed some prayers because I wasn't ready to handle them. I'm better equipped to deal with certain situations now more than ever because of life experiences and spiritual growth. In other words, it's hard to lead people TO a place you've never been. And it's hard to lead people OUT of a place you've never been.

I know God can answer my prayers in a flash, but sometimes He says no or makes me wait. I call it growing pains. He's making me mature and complete, not lacking anything. Now I don't worry (as much) if I don't get immediate results because I trust that He is on the throne. He is God and I am not.

Bath & Body Works! It really does!

2009-06-08T22:58:00.009-05:00

Wow! It's almost been a month since my last blog entry. I'm sure you've missed me oodles and bunches!

So I went to the Heritage Park mall recently. If you're not familiar with it, it's basically dying (like a cat near a Chinese restaurant). There are only a handful of stores left. Grass is growing up around the entrances. Scary hooded men are lurking in the parking lot. Normally, I wouldn't go to these types of places, but I needed my Japanese Cherry Blossom foaming soap from Bath & Body Works. Gotta have it. Even if it means imminent danger.

I parked close to the door. Locked the car. Twice. Checked the parking lot for thieves and murderers, then entered the building. Almost every shop was closed down. Metal bars blocked their entrances. No lights inside the stores. There was no sign of life until I reached Bath & Body Works. Bright sunny lights welcomed you into the store. It was like night and day. Scary and unscary. Hooded men and apron-wearing ladies.

After I bought a few (or 12) bottles of soap, I walked out of the store and returned to my car. Then I had a reflective moment on the situation: The world resembles the mall. Much of it is dying. Many lights are off. Bath & Body Works could've closed down too. They could've said "What's the use in staying here?" But, they chose to keep the store open anyway. They continue to work to bring in customers. They have the heart of a fighter. Many times when things are tough, we want to quit or back down. After all, the rest of the world is doing it. But I encourage you to persevere. It won't be easy, but we have a power on our side that is greater than anything in this world.

There's no I in Team!

2009-05-11T22:27:00.013-05:00

My kiddos were working in pairs on an assignment last week. Here are some sprinkles of wisdom I've learned from them (not just limited to the classroom):

1. One person usually does more work. It could be because that person has more useful skills or talents or maybe the other person is not pulling his/her weight.

2. If a person can go unchecked without doing their share of the work, they most likely will. Even hard-working, well-meaning people will slack if they can get by with it. Especially if their outcome is the same, regardless of the work they did.

3. Just because you're a perfectionist or good at something, doesn't mean you have to take the project over. Some control freaks (myself included) think that no one can do it as well as they can. So they have to do everything. Thankfully, I'm letting go of that more and more.

4. Often, the point of the assignment is more about the task of cooperating with others rather than the final product. How you work with others says a lot about a person. What would your team say about you?

Playground Mishaps

2009-05-01T10:34:00.003-05:00

I probably went through a box a band-aids just this week. My kiddos are coming up with bruises, blisters, and scrapes, oh my! Some of em I can barely look at long enough to put the Spongebob band-aid on. They don't even have the old school toys like we did back in the day. This video cracked me up! Good clean comedy, people! Keepin it clean!

The Chunky Monkey

2009-04-27T16:44:00.001-05:00

Most people don’t know that I’m 50 pounds lighter than I was 12 years ago. In junior high I was depressed, had few friends, and used food to comfort me. Food never rejected me. It’s always there. And it didn’t talk back. So this cycle continued: I ate because I was depressed, and I was depressed because I was fat.

But when I was 15 years old, I reconnected with God. And everything changed in that moment. Suddenly, I didn’t want my life to look anything like it had been. I was ready for a life makeover. Actually, it was more like life surgery. I told my mom I wanted to lose weight. She told me to stopping drinking 6-8 Dr. Peppers a day. I never realized how many calories were in those cans. I was consuming 900-1200 calories just from drinking!! So I made myself drink Diet Coke for a month. That stuff tasted so horrible, I had to force myself to drink it. Now I can’t get enough of it! (Probably should have switched to water now that I think about it.) In less than a month I shed 15 pounds.

As I read the Bible I became more determined to make other changes. Food had become an idol for me. I would turn to it rather than to God when I was upset. That had to stop.
I began to read about fasting and why it was practiced. (Fasting and not eating are two completely different things. I’m not endorsing anorexia here people.) Denying myself and asking God for wisdom was the purpose of my fast. So every Wednesday I skipped lunch for two months. During that time, I discovered that I was a subconscious eater. There were times when I would devour an entire bag of chips before realizing what I’d done. I had to learn a new way of eating. Instead of taking the bag and plopping down in front of the TV to eat, I would pull out a normal-size portion of chips and enjoy them slowly without any distractions. Then I would go watch TV after my snack. I also learned that the words all-you-can-eat-buffet was not a dare, and that I didn’t have to finish my plate cuz it wouldn’t help starving kids in Africa anyway.

As I replaced my old habits with better ones, the pounds gradually melted off. My thighs were beginning to look like smaller tree trunks, and my double-chin started to vanish. I became motivated to stick with the program I’d created. I remember the day when I could fit into a size 10. That was a Hallelujah moment, it was. When I began college, everyone was talking about the dreaded “Freshman 15.” But I just kept losing weight at a steady pace. Each year I shed a few more pounds. By the time I graduated college, I could fit in a size 6. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would lose that much weight.

Now I just need to learn how to exercise consistently and eat healthier. Garsh!!

Honk If You Love Jesus

2009-04-20T20:37:00.007-05:00

So about a year ago I broke down and put one of those Lifechurch.tv decals on my purty lil Chevy Malibu. I'd hesitated putting the sticker up because I sometimes (not often, but once in a blue moon) do something stupid while driving. Having the decal adds pressure to be a better driver cuz I'm representing the church in a way. On my drive home from work, I had one of those Deep Thoughts moments. Enjoy.

Any time I let someone go ahead of me, they rarely see the sticker. But every stinkin' time I cut someone off in traffic (whether intentional or not), they see it. I mean every time! Illuminated by my brake lights as if to say, "You just got cut off by Lifechurch.tv. Have a blessed day!"
Sometimes doing good works is the same way. You can do something nice, and it never gets noticed. But the minute you do something rude, dumb, or otherwise, it sticks around for a long, looonnngg time. And then your family retells the story at holiday dinners. Uhh, yeah.

So do we stop doing the right thing because it goes unnoticed? Because we're underappreciated? Because someone else will do it? Because it's not-that-big-of-a-deal? No, as Christians we're called to be faithful in the small things. The person we let ahead of us in traffic may not see it, but the car behind me sees. Whether we like it or not, sometimes people are watching. And occasionally our acts are hidden from the rest of the world. But they are not hidden from God. He knows our hearts, our motives, our thoughts. When we begin to truly live for an audience of One, everything changes.

The Battle

2009-04-14T15:27:00.002-05:00

My flesh (my human/sin nature) is in battle with the Holy Spirit. I know what I should be doing, but I don’t want to do it. I don’t feel like loving. I don’t feel like forgiving. I don’t feel like being patient. I don’t feel like dealing with certain situations.

The Holy Spirit (your conscience, whatever you wanna call it) is telling me something different. It tells me to love when I don’t want to. It tells to forgive when I don’t want to. It tells me to be patient and wait on God, even when I don’t want to.

Loving people is like doing laundry. If I waited til I felt like doing it, it would probably never get done. Sometimes we have to love even when we don’t feel like it. We have to forgive, even if the other person doesn’t deserve it. We have to reflect Christ when we’d rather reflect the rest of the world.

Deut. 30:19 says, “I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.” Everyday we have choices to make. Do we want to be like Christ or like the world? What makes Christians any different from pagans if we allow our feelings and emotions to dictate how we act? (Luke 6:27-36)

satan must be grinning whenever we start freaking out, getting depressed, or ready to let someone have it. He probably thinks he’s won this battle. But he will be sorry he ever messed with me. I can’t take away the scars that have been left on my heart, but I refuse to let him invade my heart.

Ephesians 6:11 says to put on the full armor of God. Not some of it. Not just this piece or that one. All of it. When the devil attacks, I’m going to pray harder. I’m going to give freely. I’m going to worship with intensity. I’m going to love deeply. I want to be so interconnected with God that it would burn the devil to even touch me. I’m putting on my armor. What about you?

I'll Consider It...

2009-03-17T16:04:00.005-05:00

Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4

Joy? Really? I dunno if I’d go that far. During the past month and a half, I’ve experienced deep sorrow. I’ve cried more than I have in my entire life. This huge trial (that I have no control over) looms before me. And my heart breaks for what the outcome might be. But during this time of intense pain and uncertainty, God has done some amazing things. I can see how many relationships have been strengthened because of the situation. I’ve also been able to express thoughts that I would not have shared otherwise.

So even if the outcome is not what I want, I thank God for the changes that were made because of it. No, I won’t be throwing any parties like “Woohoo! Crying people! Let’s bring on the Diet Coke and queso dip!” But I can find peace and contentment at the end of this mess. Maybe Paul said it best, “I have learned the secret of being content whatever the circumstances…I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Phil. 4:11-13

To Facebook or Not to Facebook

2009-03-13T22:53:00.003-05:00

Ok, so tons of people have bugged me about getting a Facebook. I've known about FB since 2004, but wasn't ready to commit. In 2006 I got a Myspace page because some of my friends wouldn't give me their pics any other way. So I gave in. Now I'm faced (get it?) with a dilemma. Should I give in to FB or stand my ground?

Here are my reasons for not having FB:
I already have a myspace page.
I don't wanna have to keep up with another social network. (Yeah, I'm lazy)
I am really stubborn sometimes. When someone tells me that I will do something, the rebel inside me wants to do the opposite just to spite them.
I want to be the last remaining person on earth to not have FB. Maybe I'll get put in the world record book or something.

This is what I'm thinking... If 20 people were to comment me and tell me why FB is worth it, then I will get one. If not, then NO DEAL! That's it. No anonymous commentors either, you cheaters. Let's see what happens.

New Normal

2009-02-24T22:20:00.006-06:00

It's crazy how one minute your life is completely normal. The next minute sirens are blaring and suddenly your world is turned upside down. And you are left to deal with the destruction. To put the pieces of your life back together, one at a time. That's where I am.

Don't Use Butter, Substitute Margin

2009-02-03T12:28:00.005-06:00

A border, an edge, reserved space. For teachers, it's that part of a notebook page that the students are Not supposed to write on. It's holy...or something like that. Still, some of my little darlings pay no attention and go right (or write) up to the red line and beyond.

Like my kiddos, I haven't been paying attention to the margin in my life. And God began to speak to me about. "You weren't made to go 90 miles an hour through life. You don't have to be a part of everything. The world can still run without you. (Ouch!) Take a break. Be still and know that I am God." So over the past the month, I've been creating margin in my life.

Margin in my daily schedule - I had to give up some groups, activities and hangin outs that I enjoyed for more time devoted to important things.

Margin in my health - Not having something on the schedule every minute freed up some time for me to work out more and also get more rest at night so I'm not exhausted when I get up in the mornings.

Margin in my checkbook - I began taking a certain amount off the TOP of my paycheck rather than saving whatever I had left at the end of the month. Because, let's face it, there's never much left by the end.

Margin in relationships - I always think of John 15 (the vine and the branches). So I'm doing some pruning. I am letting go of friendships that are draining and emotionally unhealthy, and pursuing ones that are balanced and uplifting.

And these are some of the results that have happened since adding margin to my diet. I have more time to spend in God's Word. Not just a check off the to-do list, but really diving in and finding out more about Him. I spend more time in prayer and have watched God swiftly answer some difficult requests I've thrown His way. I'm getting healthier, but it's a process. Maybe if I had Jillian or Bob... Anyway, I get more sleep at night so I'm not fatigued when I get up and spend the day with 17 lil punkins! My checkbook is a lot happier and so is my savings account. It's a relief to know that if something breaks or there's an unexpected emergency, I can pay for it without going into debt. Over the past six months, I've felt very alone. But I am building new friendships and rebuilding old friendships. I have people in my life who sincerely care about me, and who I feel like I could talk to about anything. There's a feeling of peace that comes with accountability. That you don't have to go through this life on your own.

So in closing, I recommend adding a little margin to the recipe of your life. (Yep that was cheesy, but I just couldn't help myself!) =)

The Mom Song

2009-01-30T16:43:00.004-06:00

I'm not a mom, but this cracked me up! And the longer I teach, the more I start sounding like my mom.

Do You Think I'm Intimidating?

2009-01-28T16:59:00.003-06:00

This was written last year, but it still makes me smile. So I thought I'd share.

Monday started out okay. It was the first day of parent teacher conferences, and the 3 parents scheduled did not show up. I really wasn't surprised. Tuesday I had a conference with "The Angry Parent #2." (The title Angry Parent #1 was already taken at the beginning of the year.) So she comes in and commences to chewing me out. AP#2 tells me that her son was sent down straight from Heaven, he never does anything wrong, and he thinks I am intimidating. I've been called lots of things (ex. strict and rigid), but not the I-word. She informed me that the kid had begged her several times to be moved to another class. She also mentioned that even though you're not supposed to have favorites between your kids, he was her favorite. It must be because he was sent from Heaven. (I can only imagine where the others came from.) Anyway, back to the story.

Then Angry began telling me what all I had supposedly done-dragged her son away during recess time and moved his desk to the "Stupid Kids Group" for no apparent reason. (Yes, those were her words, not mine!) Then it was my turn to talk. She didn't know that he had been poking another student with his pencil, been told twice to stop, and still continued doing it. During class, not at recess time, his desk was moved to the "Kids-who-can't-always-keep-their-hands-and-feet-to-themselves Group" for obvious reasons. Well, AP didn't know all of those facts.

So she did what any disbelieving mother would do- she changed the subject. I had made her precious angel learn about Martin Luther King and write an "I have a dream" speech. She knew that this was an important event a long time ago, but didn't understand why we were still studying it! At this point I think she realized I am Not White. She began to backpedal. I sat and listened while she dug the hole deeper and deeper. Finally, she had absolutely nothing left to say. "You've taken this quite well," she told me at the end of our conference.

The next day, AP#2 arrived to school early. She had a tray filled with cupcakes. "I felt so bad about yesterday, I brought you these cupcakes," she stated without making eye contact. A peace offering of chocolate and pure sugar. Maybe I am intimidating after all!

Whack!

2009-01-20T23:13:00.006-06:00

How often will a puppy keep coming up to you if you bop it on the nose? What if you bopped it every time it approached? Or maybe just once in a while? At what point does the puppy think, "I don't have to put up with this," and goes in the other direction?

Sometimes I feel like the puppy. When I get "bopped on the nose," I want to run...M-E-D-8-ly. (Did you figure that one out yet?) I shut down. I don't want to be around the person. At times I just want out of the relationship all together. With most folks, I am pretty easy-going. But when someone I love hurts me, it is devastating. Yeah, yeah, I know people are human and we all make mistakes. But it crushes me when the blow is delivered by a "friend." I can only imagine what Jesus must've been thinking when Judas betrayed him. He even knew it was coming!

So anyway, back to the question. What do you when you get bopped? Do you shut down, lash out, gossip, forgive and forget, etc.? Do you keep returning? Are you more guarded the next time? And when is enough enough? I'd love your thoughts.

A Moment of Genius

2009-01-13T17:01:00.003-06:00

In the wee moments before I went to sleep last night, my mind was spewing out all sorts of random things. Here's a glimpse: Why is the light still on? I wish I had a clapper light. Clap On, Clap Off. Who invented that? Why can't I go to sleep? Ok, stop thinking...

What's the weather like tomorrow? Doh! I can't stop thinking! They should make something that empties your brain before bedtime. Maybe like a USB plug. Ooooo! Then you could plug it in to your computer, and Presto! You don't even have to type because it's already programmed in there. Dang I'm smart! Now I just have to figure out how to make it. If you have any ideas, we'll partner up and share the wealth 70-30. Ok fine, 60-40 but that's my final offer. Hey I think the Nyquil is starting to...

Birthday Bonanza

2009-01-10T13:20:00.005-06:00

This Sunday, three family birthdays will be celebrated. I will be 26, my brother will be 29, and my nephew will be 2.

Growing up, my brother and I had the same birthday routine: a half white cake (usually with GI Joes or something violent), the other half was chocolate cake (consisting of Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake or Barbie, depending on the year), with vanilla and chocolate ice cream. We’ve partied at Mickey D’s, skating rinks, and a variety of other places. However, most people don’t know the significance of our shared birthdays. Let me enlighten you. But first, we have to travel back in time. (Get in the Delorian!)

Before I was born, my parents had 2 boys. They loved them dearly, but thought, “We can do better than this! We need a little girl.” For years they looked into local adoption. Because they already had two kids, they were told to go home and be happy. Luckily, my parents are relentless, I mean, persistent. So they began looking into foreign adoption.

One day my mom received a call from the adoption agency. There was a beautiful baby that had recently been born in Seoul, South Korea. Oddly enough, my mom’s first question was, “When was she born?” The lady on the phone replied January 11. Mom was speechless for a moment. That was the date of her second son’s birthday too. “We’ll take her,” she stated. The lady was stunned and asked if she wanted any other information before officially adopting this child she knew nothing else about. My mom said she knew all she needed to know to make the decision. Four months later they received a healthy, gorgeous baby girl to add to their family…And I’ve been here ever since. Thank God I wasn’t born on the 12th! Whew!

Two years ago, my sister-in-law was preggers. She decided to be induced on January 11. For 24 years, I had accepted only getting ½ of a birthday. But 1/3?? That’s 33.33%! The selfish, frugal, crap-I-gotta-buy-more-cards-and-gifts-on-my-own-birthday, monster inside me began to rear its ugly head. However, once I saw that precious baby boy, I got over it. Plus I decided that instead of turning another year older, I will only turn 1/3 of a year older. So I’ll turn 24 & 2/3 on Sunday. Maybe that’s why I love the kid so much!

The Tithe(s)

2009-01-02T01:49:00.004-06:00

I started tithing when I became a school teacher. Still living at home, no car payments, and having a steady income made tithing pretty easy to do. Each month I faithfully wrote my check, placed it in the offering bucket, and felt good about it. I always had enough money to take care of my bills and plenty left over for whatever I wanted after that. Tithing became part of my normal routine even when I bought a house and car. I knew that money was set aside because it was really God's money and not mine. This year I even switched over to autodraft so it goes straight from my checking account. Everything was great until God rocked my boat...

I was watching a Joyce Meyer episode on being busy. She talked about people being too busy to spend time with God. Over the Christmas break, He started whispering to me, "Why are you so good at tithing money, but lousy at tithing time?" Ouch. I had never really thought about it before. I've heard preachers talk about spending time with God in the morning. It's better, it's more biblical and yada yada. Well that sounds wonderful except for the fact that I am NOT a morning person. I barely talk to people until I've been awake for at least an hour, usually 2 hours. When my alarm clock goes off in the morning, I hit the snooze button and talk to God during those waking moments until the snooze alarms sounds. That's about as good as it's gonna get for the mornings.

After school is when I sit down and do a devo or read my Bible. However, the after school thing is inconsistent. Sometimes, I'm tired and just want to nap. Or I have work, finances, chores, or errands to do. Other times, I'd honestly rather do something else like play guitar, watch TV, or read fabuloso blogs. It's not that those things are bad. But they seem to be crowding out my TAG (Time Alone with God). We make time for the things that are most important to us. I say that I want to be like Paul in Philippians 3:7-11. But do my actions back it up? If someone looked at the itinerary of my life, would they know that Christ is at the center?

Lately, God has been calling me to tithe my time. "Don't try to fit me in your schedule. Why don't you make your TAG a priority, and fix your schedule around it?" Umm, ok God. You're right. Wait...you're always right.

The Grinch

2008-12-09T22:17:00.006-06:00

I really don't like Christmas. To be honest it stresses me out. I took Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages test, and giving gifts was barely even on my list. Bummer.

The fact that I tend to procrastinate also plays a role in my dilemma. When it's somebody's birthday, I usually wait until the last minute unless I know of something that they would really like. People are way too humble though, and say crap like, "You don't have to get me anything."

Howeva, I like to celebrate birthdays. I like to buy things for my friends and family. I just don't know what to get. Help a sista out. I even sent out an email to my fam, asking for a wish list just to get some ideas. Do you know how many responded? Zero, zilch, not one.

At the moment, I have purchased 1 gift. Yeah, I know. 15 more days. Meanwhile, my face is breaking out, I'm having trouble sleeping at night, and the thought of giftcards is looking more appealing as the days roll on.

So whaddaya think? Is the "gift of choice" really of gift? Does it count? I, for one, love giftcards. Jesus said, "If you love me, you'll obey my commands." I say, "If you love me, you'll accept my giftcards." Any thoughts?

Harry Potter & Jesus

2008-12-01T16:39:00.003-06:00

I just finished reading the 7th Harry Potter book, and was reminded of a scene from the 3rd book/movie. This is my favorite clip. Let me set it up for you.

Harry and Hermione have traveled back in time to help their friend Sirius. (kinda like Back to the Future, sorry I get distracted easily) They are on the banks of the river, watching Harry and Sirius being attacked by these evil things called dementors. The future Harry believes his dad will save them. He stands there waiting. But when his dad doesn't come, Harry realizes that he is the one who is supposed to save them.

Sometimes, I think like Harry. I believe that someone else will do it. Someone else will show compassion. Someone else will pick up. Someone else will feed the hungry. Someone else will tell that person about Christ. When all along God has equipped me to do the work. I have the tools, but it just takes stepping out in faith.

Poker Night

2008-11-30T17:30:00.004-06:00

So, last Tuesday my guy friend calls me up and tells me that they need a few people for poker night. This is, traditionally, a men's only group, but they were going to make an exception for the evening since they were desperate for players. I warned them in advance of my skillz (yeah, I spelled it with a z cuz I'm gangsta like that). They just laughed and told me to bring my money.

I hadn't really played with chips before, but watching WPT and ESPN really paid off. No one raised before the flop, so I could play hands that normally would've been trashed. I had a 4 of clubs and 7 of hearts when I got a straight flush. That's right, a straight stinkin' flush. I almost crapped my pants right there. Everyone else thought they had a good hand, so they started betting. It was awesome. When I revealed my hand, jaws dropped. It was priceless. After 5 hours of playing, I finally took home the money. I doubt I'll ever be invited back, but at least I have the memories...and the cash. Sorry boys!

Awww, Mem'ries (Part 4)

2008-11-27T11:07:00.007-06:00

The Why

Once I arrived back home, I started to process what had happened. A wave of emotions hit me as I sat propped up in bed. I was angry, disappointed, and bitter. But buried deep down inside, I knew God had a reason for doing this.

When I was a junior in high school, I decided that I wanted to become a Supreme Court justice. The money and power seemed incredibly enticing to me. At 17 years old, I planned out my whole future career. In college I would major in Elementary Education (an easy major and also a fall-back if law school didn’t work out), then go to Yale Law School, then take over the world. I had planned on preparing for law school as soon as a graduated.

Breaking my knee pretty much interrupted my schedule and my plans. During my time in Costa Rica I felt God nudging me about becoming a teacher. I shook it off. “God, there’s no money in teaching. I’ll never really use this degree. It’s just a stepping stone,” I explained. But God continued to push. Finally, I told him, “I know that teaching is what You want me to do, but that’s not going to happen. I’m gonna do what I want.” So on Thanksgiving Day on the last day of school, God broke me. (Coincidence? No, I’m pretty sure He planned that out.) Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually I was broken before Him. “Are you ready to listen?” He asked. God had my attention.

After graduation, instead of studying for the LSAT and mailing applications for law school, I was relearning how to bend my knee, one millimeter at a time. One day I was flipping through radio stations during my therapy and found K-Love. I set it as my alarm so that every day I would wake up to their music. The songs seemed to speak directly to me. There were some days when I would lay in bed for hours and cry because I knew God was drawing me closer. My relationship with Him, which had been stagnant for the past few years, grew stronger and stronger. And my knee grew healthier and bendy-er. By the end of the road to recovery, I was closer to God than ever before. I only wish it hadn’t taken a broken kneecap to get me there. But sometimes we have to learn the hard way. God, not my will, but Yours be done.

Awww, Mem'ries (Part 3)

2008-11-26T17:07:00.003-06:00

When we arrived back at the house, I finally got to have my Diet Coke and chicken salad sandwich after 2 hours. Cindy was still upset, so I did my best to comfort her even though I was the one in the cast. Tracy (my other friend who taught with us at school) came over and spent the night because I was leaving early the next morning. The three of us had been through so much together during our time in Costa Rica that it seemed fitting that we should stay together till the end. We ordered pizza and watched Survivor with Spanish subtitles at the bottom of the screen.

The next morning I said my goodbyes, and Monica drove me to the airport. They had a wheelchair waiting for me. My pain pills were strapped to a pouch hanging around my neck. No questions were asked. No lines. No full-body searches. I got to be at the front of the line on each flight. They couldn’t seat me in first class, but they gave me the seat right behind there because it has slightly more leg room. I grabbed on to the first class armchair rests nearest the aisles and swung my way back to my seat. The flight from Costa Rica to Houston was not ideal. I was in the middle seat, between two very large beautiful black women. When they asked for seatbelt extenders, I knew I was in trouble. I used my backpack to prop my leg up, took a deep breath, and prayed that the 4 hour flight would only take 2 hours instead.

The flight from Houston to Oklahoma City was not too shabby. Everyone was very nice. The man who sat beside me asked what happened. He was a former NFL player, with a few bricks shy… So I told him I was surfing in the ocean when I noticed a drowning child in the water. As I got to the child, a shark swam up so I paddled as hard as I could. We got away, but not before a huge tsunami wave knocked us off the board, and I slammed my knee against the coral reef while still protecting the kid. Yeah, that was my story. The poor guy actually believed me. That was priceless.

My parents met me at the airport. All I wanted was to eat at Chili’s and have unlimited refills of Diet Coke (Yes, I have an addiction. I’m working on it.) My parents had different ideas though. Because of the miscommunication between my teacher and my mom, my parents wanted to take me straight to the hospital. “My leg’s not going anywhere. It's not like it can get more broken,” I protested, still not realizing that they’re picturing open wounds of horror beneath the cast. Guess who got their way. So we went to the hospital. They took more x-rays and showed them to us. The docs called it a “monkey x-ray” because it was so obvious it was broken that a monkey could tell you. The next day I got eat at Chili’s.

Awww, Mem'ries (Part 2)

2008-11-25T16:57:00.005-06:00

While we waited for the ambulance, my roommate played photographer. She had finally stopped crying and was now moving all around me trying to get the best angle. (I hadn’t cried yet. Adrenaline is a blissful thing.) It was at this point that I noticed my right fist was still clenched. When I had first fallen I subconsciously tightened my hand as if to send all of the pain and feeling there instead of my knee. The ambulance driver arrived and blurted something in Spanish to me. I looked to my teacher, Monica, for translation, and she said he was going to straighten my leg out so he could put me on the stretcher. Oh boy, I thought. I squeezed my fist even harder, anticipating the pain to shoot into my knee. Nothing. Not a thing. I looked down, and my leg looked normal again. For a millisecond, I almost believed I was healed. Then I was loaded onto the stretcher. When the ambulance doors opened, I expected to see medical supplies and IVs and such. It was empty. The only purpose of the ambulance was to transport me from there to the hospital. Thank God I didn’t have a life-threatening injury! Sheesh!

We sped to the hospital while Monica followed behind. They hurried me in and took several x-rays. It was at that moment that the adrenaline shut off. As the Costa Rican x-ray tech bent my leg in all sorts of awkward and demented ways, I held my tongue (even though I was mentally cursing and chewing him out in Espanol.) While I was being tortured, I mean, x-rayed, Monica called my parents and told them what happened. Unfortunately, her English translation was not perfect. My mom asked her if it was a compound fracture. Monica thought she meant a multiple fracture. So my parents were thinking about bloody bones sticking out of my leg, when it was not nearly that gruesome. After the x-rays, the doctor concluded that I had a broken kneecap. Brilliant job guys! They put a cast on my leg, but as they were doing it the lights kept flickering on and off. Again, I was grateful that they weren’t operating on me. When they finished, I called my mom. It wasn’t until I heard her voice that I began to cry. Moms have a funny way of making you do that, huh? She told me they were getting a plane ticket so I could fly home the next day. I assured her that I was ok, but I’m pretty certain she was freaking out inside.

The doctor said I could leave, so I waited on a stretcher out in the hallway while Monica went to take care of the bill and pull the car around. As I laid there, patients or family of patients walked up to me and gawked. And I’m not talking about casually looking over. They were rubber-necking! Some came by, shook their heads, and sighed, “Pobre chinita” which means poor little Chinese girl. I was not amused in the least. After about the 8th person said it, I wanted to scream out “I’m not from China!” But I kept my cool long enough for Monica to pull up.

Awww, Mem'ries (Part 1)

2008-11-24T18:54:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow marks the 4th year anniversary of God breaking me...physically breaking me. Most people know the quick story about what happened. Few know the entire story. Sometimes it takes so long to tell it, I figure I could just write it out. Then when someone asks, I can say, “Please refer to my blog posting on November 24, 2008.” Ok, here we go.

The What

I was doing my student teaching in Costa Rica. Yeah, I know. It was A-Maze-Zing! November 25, 2004 was Thanksgiving Day in the US. It also happened to be the last day of classes for my students aka the beginning of 2 blissful weeks of vacation before going back home. I had just learned how to surf the weekend before and was looking forward to spending those 2 weeks on a surfboard in the middle of paradise.

School ended early, so my mentor teacher, my roommate, and I headed home. When we arrived, I was starving! All I wanted was a Diet Coke and a chicken salad sandwich. Mmm, I could already taste it. I started walking toward the kitchen when SNAP! BOOM! My butt was on the ground, and I didn’t know how it got there. When I looked down, (Get ready! This is not for the faint of heart!) my knee was in a different location than it was 0.5 seconds ago. There was no blood, but my kneecap was an inch higher, awkwardly pressing against the skin and flesh that kept it held together. “OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!” I yelled in disbelief. God please put it back in, I thought. The pain was gone, but the freaking out was not. My roommate rounded the corner. “OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!” she yelled. In my head I was thinking, this probably would’ve been funny if hadn’t been real. About that time my teacher came down the hallway. “Holy Shoot!” she yelled. (We’re a religious bunch, you can tell.) Quickly, she got on the phone and called an ambulance. While we were waiting, my roommate was still freaking out. So I sent her on errands to get my passport, medical card, and my camera. That’s right! I had to document the worst injury I’ve ever received. Maybe I’ll post it if I get enough requests. =)

Ok, I'm tired. Tomorrow, we'll pick up where we left off.

I Don't Trust People

2008-11-11T17:17:00.005-06:00

It started when I was in 4th grade. My best friend moved, and I was devastated. From there, the cycle continued. Some of my friends in junior high were not the best people to hang out with. I was following them down a path of hopelessness when Jesus Christ took hold of me. I was forever changed, and suddenly I realized that those I had surrounded myself with were pulling me down into a life of sin. I had to cut ties, and it broke my heart. However, I knew it was the right thing to do. High school brought many wonderful memories. I had several friends, but kept them at a distance. I was so afraid that if they saw the real me, I would be rejected. Then we went our separate ways to different colleges and states.

During my junior year at OSU, I met Andrea. For the first time since 4th grade, I felt like I had a best friend. But in the back of my mind, I wondered if it would last after graduation. On graduation day, I received my diploma in a wheelchair. I had broken my knee, and would spend the next 3 months learning how to bend my leg and walk again. Andrea lived 2 hours away, and I didn't really expect to see her much after graduation. But she surprised me. Every few weeks, she came to the city to hang out with me. Me! Broken, cranky, lil o' me. She called me just to see how I was doing. Although she might not have realized it, she gave me hope. She redefined the meaning of the word friend. And for that, I'm eternally grateful. I would give her my left kidney if she needed it.

In my hardened heart, I really deep-down, do not trust people. I trust my family and Andrea, but that's about it. I have been let down time after time. I still have the wounds of rejection, not being good enough, pretty enough, funny enough, or smart enough. But God is doing a work in me. He promises, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." He loves me exactly as I am. And each day I'm learning to trust Him more and more.

I've Never...

2008-11-04T12:09:00.001-06:00

This is my first time to vote in a presidential election. First time ever!! Last time I was in Costa Rica during the election. The time before that, I was 2 months too young to vote. Sooo, this is kind of a big deal to me.

4 years ago I was living in Costa Rica. The whole country was pretty much anti-Bush, anti-war, anti-America. It seemed like their country was just as interested in the election as our people were. However, their country was completely one-sided. I don’t think you could find 1 Bush-supporter out of the whole bunch. The family that I stayed with questioned me about my beliefs on politics and repeatedly mumbled, “Mucha guerra” meaning “Too much war.” I learned real quick that I was going to have to stand up for my convictions or continue to be nagged at.

On the night of the election, my fellow Americans (the other 2 girls from my school) and I went to a local bar and grill to watch. Anxiously, we waited for the results. After hours and hours of waiting, finally the news anchor declared, “Bush gano!” which means, “Bush won!” The next day at school, I didn’t hear another word about it. I felt so proud. Proud to live in a country where people have freedom. Freedom to say what they want, believe what they want, and live how they want. The song “God Bless the USA” was going off in my head. “Cuz the flag still stands for freedom, and they can’t take that awaaay-aaay!”

So no matter which side you’re on, remember that brave men and women fought for your right to vote. So get educated, get off the couch, and go cast your ballot.

2 Days, 18 Hours, 44 Minutes...

2008-11-03T16:44:00.002-06:00

Since I drank my last Diet Coke. I'm off the stuff until Christmas. If you know me at all, Diet Coke has been part of my life...a big part of my life. Actually, it's probably attached itself to my DNA by now. I've always given credit to DC and Jesus for my 50 pound weight loss. But lately, I've felt like God wants total credit. Diet Coke's been a crutch. I go to it when I'm stressed, hungry, tired, angry, confused, etc. So for next 53 days, I'm taking it to God instead. Can't wait to see what happens during this time!

Broken

2008-10-26T09:56:00.004-05:00

9-14-06

I'm so broken now
Sorrow overwhelms my soul
When I close my eyes, I choke back tears
Before I lose control
I am desperately seeking
Shelter from this storm
All this pain I'm feeling
I can't bear alone

Chorus
If you would hold me forever
If you would love me for all time
Maybe I could get through this day
One breath, one breath at a time

When the world steps out
And I have nothing left within
I fall to my knees and pray that you
Would renew my strength again
I am desperately seeking
Shelter from this storm
All this pain I'm feeling
I need you to come

Chorus

And if I would get past my selfishness
If I would lay down my pride
Maybe I would find that your grace
Is enough, it's enough for my life.

Cash Flow is Backed Up

2008-10-16T13:20:00.006-05:00

Last weekend my plumbing went out. This week my heater died. So I'm looking over my budget for this month, trying to decide what I could cut out. Not to mention Christmas is quickly approaching...ugh!

Anyway, back to the problem at hand. Here's what my thinking process looked like:
~I could go without cable, but my sanity might take a dive.
~I don't really need to eat everyday...
~I could volunteer at LC and live off pizza for part of the week.
~Well, there's always my tithe. What??? (Flick the little satan sitting on my shoulder!)
~If the other bathroom was working, I could get a roommate...

~Internet...come on now, you're being ridiculous.

~Sell the car? Nah!
~How much can I get for one of my organs?

I still have no idea what I'm going to do. If money was or is tight, what would you do?

Extreme Surfing

2008-10-14T22:27:00.003-05:00

What was this guy thinking???

"No."

2008-10-01T21:42:00.000-05:00

It's a hard word to say. I've said it more times in the past month than I have in...wow, I don't remember saying no that much. I've been reading the book Boundaries. It confirmed what I already knew...I'm a people-pleaser. I hate letting others down. Saying no makes me feel selfish because the Bible tells us to "die to self," right?

One verse that the book mentions has really spoken to me though. Jesus says, "I desire mercy, not sacrifice..." To me, it means to serve others because you are passionate, not because you have to, not because others will think less of you if you don't, not because you need to feed your own ego. We serve out of the gratefulness and abundance that God has provided.

This relevation has truly impacted my life. I'm no longer tied down to good things, so that I can be free to grab the great things that God has set before me. Saying no is becoming easier every time I do it. No more excuses or apologies, just a simple no will do.

Pretend Like You're Interested

2008-09-22T17:12:00.005-05:00

Mmmmm, I had an amazing weekend! Friday after school, I went to the driving range. There's nothing like knocking the crap out of a tiny ball with a metal stick! On Saturday I got to sleep in till 11, then had lunch with the fam. Afterwards, my dad and I went to The Home Depot (yes, you have to put the word The in front of it). Then we cleaned out my weed garden. It now can be described as a flower garden...with mulch and everything. =) I'm no longer ashamed to have my friends walk up the sidewalk to my front door. Plus, they can actually walk up without being attacked by the killer rosebushes! I still have some battle wounds from trimming those suckers.
Saturday we played a little Rockband after church. On Sunday I had a meeting at 8:30am! Ugh, I don't do mornings! But I went directly to bed when I got home. I picked up my house that afternoon. Then my friends came over for a fantastic grading party, complete with fresh-baked cookies and OSU oreos! Just a sidenote for all you graders, YOU ARE FREAKIN' AWESOME! I LOVE AND APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU! Mmwah!

I can't wait until the next weekend! Only 4 days away!

Free Dinner

2008-08-26T22:02:00.003-05:00

Whenever I see the word free, I tend to look closely. Now that I have your attention...
My friends and I went to eat at Chili's. When we got ready to pay, the waiter took forever getting us our check. I was growing impatient when he finally strolled up to the table. "Someone already took care of your ticket," he grinned. I stared at him to see if he was joking. He was completely serious. I scanned the room searching for the person who had just purchased my Diet Coke and burger. No one looked familiar. My friends didn't recognize anyone either.

Just a random act of kindness? Someone from church? Someone who knew one of us? The suspense is still killing me. So if you happen to be reading this, Mystery Buyer, thank you. I hope God blesses you as you bless others.

And to anyone else who would like to buy my dinner, I'll be more than happy to pray for blessings in your life as well. Aww, heck, I'll pray for you even if you don't buy my dinner.

Back to School

2008-08-15T17:28:00.004-05:00

My new kiddos came to school on Tuesday. Their sweet innocent faces entered the room timidly. The first day they were fairly quiet. By the end of the week, though, they seem to know everyone. And they want to talk All the time. So I have to be Stern Teacher. It's not my favorite personality, but necessary for setting the tone for the rest of the year. Later, I can become Awesome-Fun Teacher. I like that one better.

On the first day my students wrote down a "special event." One girl wrote that God had answered her prayers because she wanted to have me for a teacher. Today she was in tears and told me I was mean. Just goes to show you, be careful what you pray for...you just might get it.

No Child Left Untested

2008-08-09T15:41:00.005-05:00

You know the test that us public ed teachers spend January-April preparing the kids for? The test for No Child Left Behind? The reason for my sleeplessness and cranky bouts? We finally got the results back.

Week after week, we practiced, reviewed, practiced more, and reviewed more. I prayed over my students, especially those who were having difficulty. Sometimes I even laid hands on their precious little heads. "Miss Ford, what are you doing?" some would ask. Shh, I'm praying for you to have supernatural wisdom, I would think to myself.

Well the praying paid off! All of my kiddos scored satisfactory on the test. Did I say ALL of them? Yes, even the ones who didn't seem to be paying a bit of attention. And who says you can't pray in school?

How???

2008-08-06T00:58:00.005-05:00

I didn't think it was possible. When I received the gift from one of my students, I thought that this would be the ONE thing that even I could keep alive. Sadly, I found my cactus plant with third degree burns, barely clinging to life. Normally I had kept the plant indoors. However, when I bought a new patio table and chairs I relocated it. Big mistake! I imagined my darling little plant sunning itself on top of the new table. Giving it water (for the week) I thought the cactus was hardy enough that it could take the summer heat. Apparently it could not withstand the 107 degree weather. Now it's fighting for its life in the ICU next to the kitchen sink. I'm hoping this baby makes it. Cuz if not, I'll be wanted for plant murder. (Not my first offense either.)

God Moments (Part 1)

2008-08-02T02:41:00.002-05:00

The first time I realized, without a doubt, God is real, I was on a mission trip to Mexico. My brother Justin was taking some people from his church to witness to a small Mexican village called Aldama. He asked me if I wanted to go, and I agreed. However, as the trip grew closer, my finances were dwindling. Because of the lack of money, I wouldn’t be able to go on the trip. Incredibly, Justin called me before I could tell him the sad news. He was calling to tell me that an anonymous donor wanted to pay for my trip. This was quite possibly the most generous gift I had ever been given.

So I humbly accepted and went on the trip. During our time there, I could sense the presence of God…but that wasn’t the kicker. One night the group was sitting around talking about the day and thoughts or ideas they could take back to their church. I was especially tired. I didn’t attend my brother’s church, so it didn’t make much difference to me what they were talking about. One man, Ken, was upset by some of the church members. “We need to tell them that they need to do this and that …” He continued on for a few minutes. I felt lightheaded for a second, and that’s when it happened.

The Holy Spirit began talking through me! My lips were moving. My vocal cords were producing sound. But I was not in control of it! “God, what is happening?” I thought as words continued to come out of my mouth. I can only compare it to being hypnotized. It was like sitting there watching yourself, when you can’t control your own actions.

After I stopped talking, my senses came back to me. Everyone was silent and staring at me. And I realized what I had just said. Not word for word, but the general idea was this: “Words mean very little. You need to show it in your actions. Be an example to others. ” Ken had tears begin to form in his eyes. “You’re right,” he said.

The next day Ken told Justin to tell me that my words had changed his life. I sat there speechless because it wasn’t my words, but the Holy Spirit speaking through me. He also told me that Ken was the anonymous donor that paid for the trip. Again, I was dumbfounded. God had used him to bless me, so that I could bless him back. That’s a full-circle blessing!

Song Pieces

2008-07-29T20:41:00.004-05:00

All that I am
And all that I'll be
Is here in Your hands
Your Spirit inside of me.

And all that I have
I offer it up to you
As a pleasing and holy sacrifice
To the One who gives life.

Blessings

2008-07-27T16:44:00.003-05:00

On Friday night, I went to the movies with my friend D. She bought the tickets early, so I told her I would pay her back. Then I forgot... Fast forward to Sunday, I saw D at church. Stealthily, I crept up behind her and dropped the money right inside her shirt collar. Then I raced out of the auditorium. I slowed to a stop to catch my breath. In about a millisecond, D rounded the corner (dang, she's fast!) and I took off again. Like a pair of 2nd graders, she chased me back into the auditorium. I tried to dodge her by going through one of the aisles. I could already picture the brilliant stiff-arm and zig-zag pattern I was about to perfect. However, my feet could not keep up. I wiped out and did a baseball slide into one of the chairs. Ouch. Then, to top it off (literally), D jumped on top of me. Ouch again. I don't remember any verse in the Bible saying that your blessings will hunt you down and tackle you. Maybe she has a different translation though.

Camp WOWzer

2008-07-21T20:33:00.003-05:00

Well, I'm back in town. Camp was such a blast! However, I think it'll take a few days for me to recover from the madness. Here are a few of the highlights:

~We were on a team called the Black Squad. Our cheer went something like this, "B-L-A-C-K! You know black is the only way! Once you go black you never go back!" Yeah, the boys made it up. 'Nuf said.

~I managed to stay out of the nasty lake.

~Our boat was flippin' amazing! It was unsinkable...or at least it would sink, then pop back up out of the water. Great job Kody!

~Worship was ridiculous. Thanks Stephen and Brandon!

~I got hit on by a 17-year-old during 80s prom night. Sorry kid, that's illegal. And I'm too pretty to go to jail...

~We had awesome discussions!

~No one snuck out of the cabin thanks for my booby trap planted in front of the door. It consisted of walmart sacks with a trashbag laying over the top (so I would wake up if someone stepped on it or tried to move it). Brilliant...yes I know.

~Black Squad won first place and the Camp Champs title.

~I lost my cell phone on the second day. The Rent-A-Center in McAlister called today. They found it in the cushion of the recliner that was in the Leader Lounge.

~Most of all, you could feel the presence of God moving in that place. Mmm, God is so good!

Gone Fishin'

2008-07-04T00:10:00.003-05:00

My parents and I took my 2 nieces and 2 nephews fishing. It was quite an adventure! My dad's friend owns some land in Meeker, so we drove out there Tuesday afternoon and stayed until Wednesday afternoon. This is what went down:

Tuesday my car was in the shop getting the hail dents removed from its glorious hood. Therefore, I was stuck driving the mom-mobile (my mom's white Buick Terraza). I had to pick up Jorden and Jackson, my older brother's offspring. I pulled up in the drive, loaded up the kids in their carseats and took off. Next, I picked up Makenzie and Josh, my oldest brother's offspring. I wasn't feeling especially glamorous with 4 kids in a Terraza with the windows vibrating due to the loud music as we jammed out to "Rawkfist." However, a couple air force guys pulled up and checked me out...in the mom-mobile! I must be hott stuff.

My parents met up with us and we headed for the fishin' hole. The property had a nicely air-conditioned cabin, however, the restroom was slightly lacking. Ok, it was a hole in the ground, with a man-made throne topped with a toilet seat, surrounded by a small tent. Not even kidding. Somehow, I think my bladder automatically recognizes the situation and refuses to "have to go." During the whole trip, I visited the tent once. That's all I have to say about that. Jorden had to go the bathroom shortly after we arrived. We told her to drop the toilet paper down the hole when she was finished. So she did...the whole roll. Luckily we packed a few other rolls!

So now to the fishing! After unpacking and making our beds, we drove down to the pond. Our bait of choice was a can of corn. Never done it before, but we baited the hooks with 2 pieces of corn at a time. The fish latched on like they hadn't eaten all week! Josh casted out into the pond, and shortly the cork sunk down. He jerked the rod up and began reeling as hard and fast as his little hands could. I tried to grab the line to help him pull the fish up out of the water. We had the monster fish up to the banks when he wriggled free of the hook. It was a catfish that was about 1 1/2 feet long! It was a big 'un! Too bad he got away. Later, Josh caught a perch that was about a foot long, the longest catch of the trip. I took a pic while holding it up as Josh stood in the background. The fish looks huge next to him because of the angle. It's awesome, and he thinks it really was that big. =)

I forgot how much I enjoyed getting out in the wilderness, away from everyday life. What do your getaways look like?

Wrecked & Broken

2008-06-27T02:24:00.008-05:00

I was driving up I-35 from a friend's house, radio blaring and AC cranked up to keep me awake and alert. As I drove, I was thinking how few cars there were on the road. Many going the opposite direction, but I didn't pass a single car until right before the I-40 onramp. Red lights narrowed the 4 lanes down to 1. When I saw the police cars, I first thought they were doing car searches. I slowed down and began to process what was going on. An officer motioned for me to continue on. As I drove, my eyes swelled with tears when I saw what was left of this white car. The paramedics were working desperately to get inside the vehicle. My heart was pounding as I started to pray. Did the person or the people inside know Jesus? Did they have a relationship with their Creator? Where would they go if they died tonight? The lump in my throat tightened with each thought.

I have been reading the book 90 Minutes in Heaven by Don Piper. It's about a man who was in a terrible car accident and was pronounced dead. He believes that he experienced Heaven. I started reading the book myself to decide if this guy was a quack or if there was truth to his story. From my perspective, I believe that he fully and honestly believes he went to Heaven. With that said, here's a remarkable passage from the book where his friend is talking to him.

If you saw a little kid run out in the street, you'd dash out there and try to save the child's life. Human nature is like that. We try to preserve life, and I will do that any time I get the opportunity. So would you...Yet here we are sitting in this place, surrounded by people, many of whom are probably lost and going to hell, and we won't say a word about how they can have eternal life. Something is wrong with us.

We're not guaranteed tomorrow. Car accidents have a way of making me realize that fact. If you're still on this earth, God has a reason for your life. Gradually, He's pulling me out of my comfort zone. My flesh fights back as He gently but firmly guides me. God is putting things on my heart that, honestly, I'd rather He find someone else to do it.

There are so many people out there in the world who are starving for Jesus. They don't know Him, but they sense that something's missing. It may be the person at work, or the Sonic carhop, or the ad exec in the fancy Beemer. Who is it in your life? Who is the person, that if they died tonight, would not know God? But more importantly, what are you going to do about it?

Parties & Roofs & TV, oh my!

2008-06-22T13:59:00.006-05:00

So Friday I'm supposed to be throwing a bachelorette party around 7pm. I was out running some errands that afternoon. When I arrived back at the house at 3, the roof was completely torn off! I had no idea the roofers were coming that day! I figured since they hadn't shown up by noon, they weren't coming. That's what happens when you assume! So all the workers were chilled out on my front porch (one of them in my rocking chair). I walked up and asked with my best Spanish speaking abilities, "When are you going to finish tonight?" The guy in charge replied casually, "Nine-o'clock."

Nine!!! What!?! Are you kidding me? My mind was racing at that point. I felt the rage boiling up inside of me! I'm a schoolteacher! I'm slighty OCD! This was not on my itinerary! Quickly, I turned and walked back to my car before I blurted out any inappropriate Spanish words at them, especially the one in my rocking chair.

Once I got in the car and screamed for a few seconds, then I called my mom. Luckily, my parents were going out of town this weekend, so they agreed to let me move the party to their house. I called to let everyone know the party was moving, loaded up the groceries, gifts, etc. and took them over there. Everything worked out fine. It just didn't seem fine at the time.
Daily, I have to remind myself that God is in control and I am not.

Saturday, they finished roofing my house about noon. After they had left, I noticed my electricity wasn't working in the den. 87% of my time is spent in the den. I ran outside and flipped the switch in the breaker box. Nothing. "God, I fasted from TV on Tuesday!" I pleaded as I flipped more switches. Still nothing. "I want you to spend more time with me," He whispered.
Gee whiz, He is a jealous God.

Have any of those moments to share when you overreacted to something or thought, "God, did you just...?"

A Fast Fast

2008-06-17T23:34:00.007-05:00

So, Lifechurch is fasting every Tuesday during the OnePrayer series. If you haven't checked it out yet, you should have your fingers stapled together. j/k
Anywho, I was thinking about what to fast when one of those Holy Spirit-God whispers said, "Why don't you give up TV?" I thought to myself, "God, you're crazy! What am I gonna do all day??? How about I give up doing laundry or exercise?" At that point, I could almost picture God giving me one of those disapproving looks. It was pretty clear what I was supposed to do, and from previous experiences I had learned not to make God wait.
So today I went TVless. No Rachel Ray, Days of our Lives, Dr. Phil, Reba, Wheel, nothing. And you know what happened? I spent more time with God, I got a lot of stuff done, and I didn't really even miss the TV. Most of the time, our lives are filled with things that aren't necessarily bad, but they aren't really productive. What is it for you?

A Whole Lotta Nuttin'

2008-06-11T01:27:00.014-05:00

It seems I have a bad case of verbal diarrhea at 1:30am. So here's what's on my mind. (Hey, I just used 2 contractions back-to-back!) Sorry. Anyway, I've decided that every day I'm going to find at least one funny thing to laugh about when I start feeling cranky. There was a bird sitting on the fence, when all of a sudden...the wind knocked him off balance. So it wasn't the most hilarious of things, but it made me smile. Thank you clumsy birdie!
And here goes with a bunch of random thoughts I had today...Playing guitar is a lot harder than playing Rockband. We should make fuel out of peanuts. (Santa Fe and Logans are full of 'em). Every time I wash my car it sprinkles, because some jerk turns his sprinklers on so they spray the street! How many Go Green recycle bags are going to be wasted cuz they are everywhere? Bleeding Love is on every radio channel in my car. The word ridiculousness is ridiculous. Why does pulling someone's finger make them fart? It just makes my knuckle pop. I always feel like cleaning, writing, or reading after midnight. But I don't want to do a darn thing during the day.